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Take the Lead – Recognise the Need to Accept Personal Responsibility

January 18, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Stories provide so much more than simple entertainment. They offer relief, respite and safe experiences. Stories propose alternative perspectives and unlock secret worlds. This is why stories are important in our lives. The key is to approach them both mindfully and critically. The reward is greater insight and awareness. Recently I watched the movie Take the Lead staring Antonio Banderas and based on the true story of Pierre Dulaine. This inspirational teacher recognised that in learning how to dance (ballroom), individuals also learn teamwork, dignity and respect.

My favourite part in the clip below occurs when Dulaine (Banderas) explains,  “The man proposes the step and it is the women’s choice to accept” Here, simply put, is the idea that we make our own choices. Understanding this concept is one of the most important steps in moving from a ‘victim’ mentality to position of strength.

In most instances when you make the decision to take the lead, you also recognise the need to accept personal responsibility. In fact, it could be suggested that an important aspect of developing a secure sense of Self involves, taking the lead, taking charge and accepting that we are accountable for our own actions. This point is clearly conveyed in the movie. Don’t just take my word for it, watch the movie and see what you think. Remember, although you watch the movie to enjoy it, you can also digest its power.

Stories have the power to inspire, motivate and create magic, but you need to make the choice, to consciously feel the energy.  

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84JTNGVaSJE&feature=related[/youtube]

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Filed Under: Powerful stories, Self Esteem Tagged With: accept personal responsibility, Pierre Dulaine, take the lead

How People Think

December 29, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Have you ever contemplated how people think? Can we ever really know how  people think? I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, jumped into the shower and while the water relaxed and cleansed, my mind drifted. I enjoyed the book, although not as much as the reviews had me believe I should. Larsson has been described as offering an “original heroine”, and a “gripping plot”. I confess, crime fiction is not my usual choice so my credentials when it comes to judging the literary merit of the novel are somewhat dubious. However I was interested in why the Millennium series was so popular – and yes I do intend to read the other two books before forming an opinion. Nevertheless, initial musings suggested to me that readers are either drawn to the investigative or problem solving aspects of the prose, or they are compelled by a desire to understand the characters and their relationships.

Personally, I was not really intrigued by the mystery that is Lisbeth Salander or the search for the missing Harriet Vanger. Or, perhaps what I should say is that I did not recognise a thrilling plot, nor an overly unique heroine. Yet since that is what reviews led me to expect, I wondered what it was that I was missing? But then as I considered the character of Lisbeth Salander an interesting thought formed from the swirling mass of electronic impulses – can we ever really know how another person thinks or how they actually process the information presented to them to form an opinion?

Of course we can study the brain and its functions and we can interview, counsel and examine people’s reactions to various stimuli. We can listen to or read their opinions, beliefs and hear their explanation of their thought process. We can watch or have described to us, their emotional responses. However at all times, we are processing the information through our own set of filters, through our own understandings and, we are probably taking the internal workings of our brain for granted. After all, it is all we have every really known.

Yes we can be empathetic and ‘imagine’ how another person may be feeling or what they may be thinking and we can even hypothesise why they feel or think that way. Yet, we will still be computing the information using our own operating systems and we have no way (at least to my knowledge) of really knowing how truly compatible our systems are. Yes of course we can gauge similarities and determine harmonious or discordant patterns. In most cases we use this information to determine friend or foe. But, do we ever really, truly share the exact same thinking methodology? I think not, and, while that explains why personal relationships suffer from miss-communication it is also what adds flavour and excitement to them.

I believe the key is to accept that we each use our own unique operating systems that while comparable with others of our species, are not truly compatible (much like a PC and a Mac). When we acknowledge that our thought processes are unique we are more likely to understand that others naturally have their own unique thoughts and as such are as entitled to their ideas as we are. As a result we can begin to appreciate the voice of the philosopher Rumi who offered the idea, “out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing is a field, I will meet you there”.

 However, in light of some of the disturbing thought process exhibited by the certain characters in Larsson’s story I do feel compelled to point out that just because we can acknowledge the right of the individual to think their own thoughts, this does not necessarily mean we can draw a direct parallel to the actions of individuals. This is where the waters become murky as some are tempted to use the ‘rights of the individual’ theories as justification for dubious or even downright heinous activities. It is here that the notion of ‘values’ or ‘ethics’ becomes essential downloadable ‘shareware’. In other words, in order for individuals to live within a system (or society) there must exist a series of shared, acceptable, behavioural patterns that recognise an individual’s accountability for their actions and the responsibility to not impinge upon the emotional, intellectual or physical safety of others.

Stories such as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo offer readers insight into the thought processes and motivations of individuals on the fringes of society, outside it, at the top and bottom of it, while also sharing the actions and thoughts of the psychopath. Perhaps this is where its popularity lies. The intriguing aspect for me, is the recognition of just how differently we think. In fact, I wonder, as you read this, what you will focus on and what message you will take away?  How close will it be to the ideas I intended to convey?

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: is this my story, My Story, mystory, nicole feledy

Happiness is more than a State of Mind

November 28, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Are you happy? If you are happy, how happy and, how do you know you are happy?

Is happiness simply an emotion or is it a ‘real’, ‘tangible’ state of being? These are some of the ideas discussed recently in a year 10 class. This discussion was prompted by the essay question, ‘Happiness is more that a state of mind’. To what extent is this true of modern society?

 As we discussed the concept of happiness some interesting thoughts began to emerge. We explored the genesis of happiness and tended to agree that love, both giving and receiving, made us happy. We noted however, that while the search for love, particularly when it involved settling for ‘like’ or a synthetic derivatives, may lead to ‘pleasure’, pleasure did not necessarily provide ‘happiness’. We realised, a greater understanding of what happiness meant to us as individuals, was necessary.

 As we searched for definitions of happiness, we observed how overtly happy people are often viewed with apprehension or scorn. It seemed that some people find a state of ‘happiness’ confronting and become defensive when in the company of ‘happy’ people. Perhaps, we hypothesised, some individuals are fearful, suspicious or even jealous because they suspect ‘happy’ people have more than their ‘fair share’. Maybe they are also wary of experiencing happiness themselves because they feel guilty, suspecting that their happiness ‘steals’ happiness from others. Perhaps this fear is the result of a belief that happiness is a finite, even scarce resource that must be allocated sparingly. Or possibly, some view happiness with derision because they link feelings of happiness to a ‘cult’ of happiness (or to commercialised, mass-produced hype). However we decided that these attitudes, born of fear, are limiting beliefs. As a result we noted that choosing an abundance mindset (and viewing happiness as an infinite force) was an inspiring choice since it allowed for positive relationships and minimised feelings of jealousy and resentment.

Our next step was to refer to the research being conducted into the value of happiness. Research such as that recorded on the Authentic Happiness website (  Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology ) offers suggestions as to how feelings of ‘well being’ may have a positive effect on not only the individual, but society. It is to this research we turned and happily noted that happiness is more than a state of mind. It is a choice and importantly, there are daily tangible actions which may be undertaken to increase our sense of happiness.

Tal Ben-Shahad, a positive psychology lecturer at Harvard University recommends 52 of these in his book Even Happier. These are simple strategies (such as exercising regularly) which promote an overall sense of wellbeing. For example Ben-Shahad explained the benefits of identifying 5 things each day that you are grateful for and recording them in a ‘gratitude journal’.  He also suggested reflecting on attitudes toward work or school, identifying the enjoyable aspects and then focusing on them. As a teacher, I was interested in his suggestion to choose to become a lifelong learner. However it was perhaps his advice to “enjoy the journey” which most resonated a chord within me. I remembered how often we rush through experiences with ‘our eyes on the prize’ rather than taking the time to absorb (and enjoy) the process of achievement. So I resolved to become more actively aware of my surroundings and consciously see, feel and hear the beauty around me.

Now, I return to my earlier questions, Are you happy, how happy?

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Are you happy, happiness, happiness is more than a state of mind, positive psychology

Procrastination – A timely reminder

October 25, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Does this sound familiar? How are you going to avoid becoming a cartoon character? Make a promise, choose an intention, or in the words of Yoda “do or do not, there is not try”

Have you identified the irony in this post? 🙂

Filed Under: Learning, Self Esteem Tagged With: A timely reminder, do or do not, Procrastination

Be Mindful of Expression

October 10, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

What does this statement actually mean?

I’ve heard mindfulness described as ‘being in the moment’. It involves recognising the present, rather than guessing what will happen or, obsessing about what has happened. The term mindful implies being aware. It reminds us to focus on the task at hand, to recognise our emotional response to a situation and distinguish our thoughts.

So, how does this apply to expression?

On one level it suggests being conscious of what we say and understanding that just because we said something, doesn’t mean it’ll be interpreted the same way. I’m sure we have all experienced times where we spoke in good faith but were misunderstood. These mismatches in communication occur when we have one story in our mind and the person we are communicating with has a different story. In other words, different experiences and different emotional states give rise to different perspectives.

 ‘Be mindful of expression’ is a comment I often write on student’s essays. Am I asking them to be conscious of what they say? Yes! I am asking them to be conscious of the way their sentences may be interpreted by the reader. Yet I am also asking them to focus on the task at hand so they may write coherently and cohesively.

 At a purely mechanical level I make this suggestion so students can develop and improve their writing skills. They need to focus on the words they choose, the way they arrange words in a sentence and the way they link sentences together. They need to be conscious of spelling and punctuation.  Similarly, after they have written, they need to edit and draft their work. This is arguably the most productive part of the writing process since it facilitates improvements in writing style.

How?

Because the process of editing requires a person to reread what they have written. At this point a student is checking for both accuracy and clarity. In other words, they are asking themselves, does this make sense?  As a result of this self-correction the student is training themselves to recognise how to write effectively.

At a more profound level I make this suggestion to encourage students to reflect on their ideas and how they share those ideas with others. When we are present in the moment, our energies are focused on what is at hand, we are paying attention and are aware of our thoughts and emotions. We are here rather than guessing what if.

Filed Under: Self Esteem, Study Tips Tagged With: be mindful of expression, mindful, need to draft and edit

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