Is This MyStory

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Discover success in a word of rapid change

August 29, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Last week I was again asked the question “When am I ever going to use this in latter life” At the time, my students were wrestling with evaluative essay structure. Specifically the student who posed this relevancy question was seeking a reason why he should learn how to use a knowledge of language techniques to evaluate a text. He earnestly sought to comprehend how understanding the effect of similes and metaphors would help in ‘real world’ situations. My answer was simple, even accountants need to use their understanding of ‘language’ in order to evaluate. I then drew on the board my rendering of axons and dendrites and the synapses in between. Unfortunately my drawing skills leave a lot to the imagination, and while hilarity at the possible explanations of what they were looking at temporarily diverted the class, we were eventually able to discuss how learning created connections within the brain which may be called upon for future use.

I have previously posted on the importance of learning how to learn. This time I want to highlight how learning skills in one area (specifically the skill of identifying and interpreting evidence) may be applied to different fields. The importance here is not the evidence (or in this case the similes and metaphors) but rather developing the ability to offer reasoned evaluation.

It is of tantamount importance that this is understood. It is the skills, we learn at school which are important. These physical processes are much more significant than the content itself. Content is easily accessed through modern technology, and it changes rapidly. It is therefore vital that students learn flexibility of thought. They need to appreciate and embrace change in order to survive our rapid paced world.

One way to achieve this is to feel secure in the face of change. Experiencing security within a maelstrom of change may seem like a misnomer to some, yet it is more likely to be achieved if a person has confidence in their evaluative skills. Why? Because being confident in your ability to consider evidence and propose your own ideas allows you to remain in control of your thoughts and actions. Importantly it provides choices and reasons for making that choice. It is these tangible reasonings that provide handholds of security. It provides an environment for success. Fear is the enemy of achievement; fear is the demon which thwarts the desire to move forward into unknown territories. Yet feelings of security banish fear.

Einstein defined ‘stupid’ as repeating the same action over and over in the expectation of a different result. How often have you found yourself repeating past actions in the hope that this time, it will be different? Do you date similar people, only to have your heart broken each time? Do you hand in essays following the same structure, expecting a better mark, only to find you have again received a fraction of what you thought the essay was worth? Why? Could it be that a fear of attempting something new binds you to familiar patterns?

Recently a friend lent me her copy of a short metaphorical book by Dr Spencer Johnson entitled Who Moved My Cheese? Contained within its pages was a short narrative about 2 mice and 2 ‘little people’ forced to cope with a change to their access to resources (cheese). The mice, pragmatically and determinedly adapted to their changed circumstances and went in search of new supplies. Similarly, one of the little people, as a result of recognising and confronting his fears, developed a new flexibility which yielded positive results. The other little person, kept returning to the same empty room, each time with the same expectation, and each time discovering, nothing. This book is definitely worth reading. It is short, simple and obvious. Its metaphorical message is clear, success is much easier with a willingness to adapt and embrace change.

Schools are an appropriate place to learn a positive response to change since they are where teenagers spend so much of their time ‘changing’. So, next time you wonder why am I learning this? Think, I am learning to evaluate so I may approach ‘change’ with confidence.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Discover success in a word of rapid change, mystory, nic feledy, positive response to change, teenagers and change

Isolation, teenagers and being heard

August 5, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

One of the most universal experiences of adolescence is feeling isolated. It is heart wrenching the number of times I hear the words “I’m lonely” or “I feel alone”. Yet this is not a ‘feature’  peculiar to today’s world, rather it is one which has dominated teenager’s lives for  many years.

 As a teenager myself, I remember listening to ‘Father Jim’ on 2SM radio. This was a ‘talk back’ show which began around 9pm. Simon and Garfunkel’s song “Sounds of Silence” preceded the programme and to this day, whenever I hear that song, I think of Father Jim and the teenagers who called.

Lying safely tucked in my bed I would listen religiously, every Sunday night, as teenagers shared their stories across the radio waves.  Thinking back now, I realise they would call in to share intimate details of their lives because they wanted to be heard, they wanted to be understood and they did not want to be alone. Listening to my contemporaries and feeling their pain I realised no matter how popular a person may be or how many friends they have, we can all feel misunderstood and alone at various times in our life.

Interestingly, today’s teenagers still reach out across the ‘waves’ all be it the electronic variety. The internet in this sense has been both a blessing and a curse. It has allowed teenagers to remain connected to friends and acquaintances, but it has also exposed them to strangers who wrap themselves in a cloak of friendship. The scary part is, these malevolent forces have access to us at the times we are most vulnerable; the times when we are reaching out, the time when we are seeking. The problem of cyber bullying is recognised by police, schools and community groups as a dangerous threat which must be treated seriously.

One way to arrest this insidious force is to equip ourselves with a loneliness antidote. To some acquiring friends seems like a solid solution, however this still places power in the hands of others. Perhaps a more potent remedy is developing faith in ourselves;  faith, acceptance and the self confidence to realise we can choose how to act and react. When we are comfortable in our own skin, we are less likely to hunger for the positive affirmations of others in order to feel wanted and loved. We do not need to seek.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: isolated teenagers, mystory, nic feledy, teenagers and being heard, teenagers share their stories

Teenagers are like baking a cake

July 16, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Being a teenager rarely seems to be easy. One metaphor I like to use is that teenagers are like a cake baking. They enter the oven of adolescence as a sticky mass of mixed up ingredients. In the oven they experience heat and this pressure causes the component parts to gyrate wildly, molecules vibrate and collide with each other and the internal workings of the mixture seems to be a disorganised jumble of confusion. And yet, as time passes, the cake begins to take shape, it rises and sets and takes a recognisable form. It emerges from the oven bigger and brighter and more solid than when it went in.

Here we may also consider that the ease with which the cake rises, often relates directly to the preparation we, as adults gave.

Filed Under: Learning, Self Esteem Tagged With: being a teenager is not easy, is this mystory, mystory, nic feledy, teenagers are like baking a cake

Attitudes and Effective Leadership

July 13, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

What does it take to be a successful leader? Defining the essential features of effective leadership is not always simple. Often the characteristics which denote ‘successful’ leadership in one situation are not same as the qualities required in a different situation. Yet the development of effective leadership skills is important for both personal and interpersonal growth.

 At a personal level, developing an understanding of the skills required to ‘lead’ enhances your ability to achieve goals. Put simply, you lead yourself by setting yourself a goal and motivating yourself to attain that goal.

At an interpersonal level, developing an understanding of the skills required to ‘lead’, enhances your ability to interact with others. In other words if you are appointed to a leadership role you will understand the confidence, creativity and vision required to establish a common purpose and  the cooperation and communication skills required to work collaboratively with others to achieve a common purpose.

 Importantly, effective leaders lead by example and generally do more than they require of their followers. This is aptly illustrated in the scene from the movie Remember the Titans where Julius tells Gary “attitude reflects leadership”.

 

  1. Who do you consider to be an effective leader?
  2. Which of their leadership qualities do you admire most?

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: effective leaders, effective leadership, is this my story, mystory, nic feledy

A story to show how our dreams communicate with us

July 10, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

A sharp scream sliced the icy evening air. Jane jerked awake gasping for breath.

“What was that”!

Fighting to recall where she was and why she was there Jane fell back against the pillows and warily sought to remember the dream. Moving furtively through her thoughts, she willed herself to focus on the series of letters that danced tauntingly on the edge of her consciousness. What was that word? Intuitively Jane knew she must remember.

 Desperate to solve the riddle, but reluctant to evoke the terror it inspired; she closed her eyes and willed herself to concentrate. ‘It began with an E, there was an A and a U and an N… Enu…. Ebau’ the word still would not take recognisable form. And yet… the feeling it represented was an almost tangible presence. It was a malevolent force, a monster that sucked the life from its victims.

 Shivering, Jane rose gracefully from her bed and moved toward the desk. The familiar Windows chime welcomed her while the light from the screen valiantly repelled the night shadows.  Tonight the red, blue, green and yellow Google letters wore a beige and black Hounds Tooth print scarf and sported a Dear Stalker hat.

“Well Sherlock, it seems I really need your help tonight’

Which growing confidence, Jane started punching in the letters she had seen. E, U, N, B, I. Nothing, at least nothing useful, she kept searching.

Anubis – The Greek god of the afterlife

Enuki – Powerful Babylonian Earth spirits

Although both words could have represented the force that woke her, Jane wasn’t sure that was what she had seen. At least, as she spent time thinking about what it may have been and reflecting on why she dreamed of a word she had never consciously seen, a warm reassuring confidence banished the lingering feelings of dread. Whatever it was, Jane knew she was able to fight it. Jane knew that by being consciously aware, she could beat it.

A month later, Jane was reading a news article and recognition flooded through her. There it was in black and white! The word. Ennui. She Googled it. Ennui, “weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom”

Realisation surged like an electric current, infusing very pore. That was the malevolent force! The negativity and resentment which clocked itself in disinterest and boredom. Jane realised her dream had been a message from deep within herself. A wake up call. Jane knew that by being consciously aware, she could beat it. Jane decided, she would not be a victim.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: dream, dreams, Ennui

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