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Finding a Strategic Connection to Childhood Stories

November 19, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

BoWhen I was 14 my parents swapped a car for a horse. The car was a dirty brown, early 1970s Holden we affectionately called Erg worm. The horse was a 14.3 hands high Pinto named Bo. 

Dad was starting a new job that gave him a company car. I met Bo at the local riding school and fell in love. The operators of the riding school needed a vehicle for their daughter.

It was a perfect match. 

My parents made the connection and gave me an opportunity to live a dream. It came with responsibility. They paid for Bo’s feed and I paid for the paddock. I cared for him, held a part time job and maintained high grades. I learnt resilience, accountability and to be resourceful. I experienced freedom, companionship and the sheer delight of being in nature.

Bo was My Best Friend
He’d been schooled as a stock horse but sold to a riding school and failed at both. He was cheeky and independent. He’d take the bit, shy at shadows and spin on dime if he wanted to go a different direction. Yet, he was always considerate. He allowed room for my legs when we passed a tree. He’d nuzzle close when I was worried or upset. If I needed time to think, he kept us on track. He also enabled my sense of adventure.

Have you every just taken a path just to see where it will lead?

That was what my childhood was like. Bo was a willing accomplice. Many times we took a trail, simply to see where it went. We discovered amazing places – beautiful wonders, far from the main trail. These were remote spaces few else saw. It was the early 1980s. There were no mobile phones, no GPS, no way of knowing exactly where we were. All we knew were the rough boundary of the National Park. 

Although we were often lost, we always found our way back to the main track. If a side path beckoned, I wanted to be on it. I was inspired by what may be around the corner. Bo probably wanted a quicker way home. 

If a voice of reason intruded, 

“are you sure about this” 

”is this a waste of time?” 

It was silenced. 

Curiosity and wonder were stronger than the internal nay sayer. All that was important was being alive and doing what we were born to do. 

Then I Grew Up
I stopped riding and swapped stirrups for pedals. I bought a car and buried myself in the job of being an adult. Bo lived his days in peace, retired in the country. I immersed myself in the world of work. The expectations and responsibility of career and family weighed heavily. I nearly forgot who I was. 

Nearly,  but not quite.

You see, the world has a funny way of reminding you who you are. Random moments that inspire a hint of memory. I was teaching students how to develop their critical thinking skills and in the process, connected to my own. The catalytic moment was teaching Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. While guiding students through the nuance of each word, I realised, I wanted to take the road less traveled. Being a teacher of literature was not enough. I wanted to help people connect with their stories. 

Then, I took the Clifton Strengths Finder and found clarity. I discovered my talents and it all made perfect sense. My top two talents are Strategic and Connectedness. 

Strategic
According to Gallup Strategic describes the ability to recognise patterns. People high in Strategic are aware of the multiple options that lead from one place to another. They quickly discard alternatives that won’t work. They find the best way through a course of action to a chosen destination. Even if they don’t know specific details, they’re confident they can make the necessary adjustments along the way. All they need is the start point and the end point to quickly formulate a plan. 

Connectedness
Gallup refer to Connectedness as the ability to recognise the greater forces beyond what’s immediately seen or felt. People high in Connectedness intuit the things that unite us. They see, hear and feel the connections between people, places and things. They’re aware of the big picture and build bridges to span ideas, feelings and behaviours. 

Recognising a Strategic Connection
As Bo and I travelled the trails of Davidson National Park my sense that there was a higher purpose gave me the courage to take different tracks. I didn’t know where they led. However I knew why I was in the bush. It was here I felt most alive. I knew where I’d come from and I knew where I were going. We explored the less travelled trails because we knew they led to the most beautiful places.

It was these childhood adventures that forged my sense of identity. As a teenager, I was connected to the natural world. I lived in the bush and felt a deep link through my horse. He was a bridge between my physical and inner worlds. Bo was a tangible friend and an intangible symbol of freedom and choice. The adventures we shared sharpened my ability to find the path. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t see the complete trail, I knew I could run scenarios in my mind, calculate parameters, account for the obstacles and trusted the path would get me there.

Sunlit waterBo was just over 30 when he passed – quite old for a horse. However, each evening I feel his presence. I sit at my desk. The sun settles over bush covered hills. It’s warmth nuzzles my arm as my fingers ride the key board. I look across the river and see trails of light shying across the water. I know he is close. My imagination, my stories, my resilience and my faith were strengthened by the experiences we shared.

My Parents Swapped a Car for a Horse
My parents swapped a car for a horse and in doing so gave me so much more than they ever imagined. They gave me access to the power of choice. They gave me a future filled with possibility. I discovered how to follow my dreams even when the path ahead was covered in scrub. They gave me the opportunity to develop my talents. My childhood taught me how to find my own way and “take the road less traveled”. I learnt to recognise my path and finish what I start. It taught me to enjoy the journey and be confident. I know “way leads on to way” and it is on these less traveled paths I’ll find my treasure.

What did your childhood teach you?

I ask this to encourage you to reflect on the stories of your past. You may discover a path to your self. In accessing childhood stories of wonder and curiosity, you leave behind the restrictions imposed by other people’s stories. Recognising the stories of your childhood may help you find internal inspiration.

If you’d like to become mindfully aware of your stories and move from talent to strength, contact Nicole. We offer a mindful approach to a strength based narrative. Nicole coaches you through the process of identifying your stories and distinguishing the ones that serve you from the ones that have been limiting you. We can arrange face to face coaching on the Gold Coast or in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.

Call now to arrange a complimentary introduction to strengths coaching.

m: 0425 209 008 e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

 

Filed Under: Blog, Powerful stories, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Coaching Gold Coast, Mindful based strengths coaching, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, swap a car for a horse

Why Do I Need A Coach?

October 31, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

It’s a simple question and just to be clear, I’m not talking about weight training or physical fitness. The sort of coaching I’m referring to relates to your mental and emotional strength.

Do you know how to inspire yourself each day?

Eric Schmidt, the CEO of google asked himself the same question. As the CEO of an established company, he questioned why he needed a coach. He realised he needed a coach because he needed a person who was on his side. When interviewed by Fortune Magazine, Schmidt said everyone needs a coach. A coach is someone who is objective, someone who believes in you and someone who helps you recognise what you’re doing well so you can see how to do it better. 

Imagine having,

  • Clarity about a particular situation
  • Tangible solutions that feel right when you put them into action
  • Confidence in your ability to manage thoughts and emotions when faced with perplexing challenges.

Why Do I Need a Strengths Coach?
A Strengths coach will help you achieve more and feel better while you’re doing it. They’ll help you recognise patterns in your communication and see the processes you follow when deep in thought or filled with feelings. They’ll help you become alert to your needs and contributions. Most importantly, a Strengths coach will help you direct those patterns, processes and behaviours toward productive action. You’ll see where you are, where you’re going and how to get there.

What if I Already Know Where I’m Going and What I’m Doing?

It’s great if your life is exactly the way you want it to be and you know you’re giving and receiving all you can. However, my question to you is, how effectively are you doing it?

A Strengths Coach Will Help You See What You’re Not Seeing
Picture this.

John is training for the Commonwealth games. He watched the Olympics and believes he has what it takes. He trains every day, swimming lap after lap. He eats well, has plenty of rest and is entirely focused on his success. He reads book after book about swimming champions. He watches re-run after re-run of important swimming meets. He studies the angle of a swimmer’s body as they glide through the water. He listens to commentators highlight what’s working and recognises great performance.

But …

John has never seen himself swim. He doesn’t know how his arms curve as they drop into the water or the way his feet flop as they slam down the lane. He thinks he’s copying the masters of his craft and believes the feelings in his muscles are exactly the same.

But, they’re not.

John needs a coach. John needs an external point of reference. He needs someone who can point out his blindspots and show him where he nailed it. John needs a coach to reflect back what he’s doing well and where he needs more knowledge and skills. John needs a coach who can share relevant information that relates to John’s situation. A coach would help John focus on what he does best – swimming.

How does John’s story relate to yours?

Imagine what you could accomplish with someone by your side. A personal cheer squad who is focused on helping you do what you want and need to do.

Finding Mental and Emotional Fitness
Have you wondered why you feel stress?  Usually it’s because you don’t have the time, money, energy, knowledge or skills to do what you need (or want) to do. You’ve twisted yourself in knots and loop through endless ‘what if’ scenarios.

Your strengths coach can help you untangle thoughts, emotions and behaviours. You’ll learn the language of your talents and be given tools to develop those talents into strengths. This builds confidence. You’ll find direction and know how to access the internal resources that give you the best opportunities. This reduces stress.

With a coach you’ll set and achieve your goals. They’ll help you find a new way in your career. They’ll even help you discover a new life with your partner or navigate the challenges of parenting. Your strengths coach will highlight your talents. You’ll attune to the things you do well. As you direct knowledge and skills to these areas you find yourself achieving more in all areas of your life. 

 What Have You Been Missing?
The Clifton StrengthsFinder helps you identify your talent themes. Based on decades of research, it’s already given clarity to millions of people. However, you’ll want more than just the assessment. You’ll want to know how your talents play out in the real world. This is where your coach helps. You’ll gain insights into your ability to;

  • fulfil daily responsibilities
  • accomplish goals
  • live your dreams 

A strengths based approach gives you the tools to live the life you were born to live. Your coach is in your corner. They see what’s good in you and help you see it too.

John knows how to swim. You know how to live your life. However, if you want to do more than just live, if you want to thrive and strengthen your opportunities, allow a coach to help you see what you’ve been missing.

 

bradkay-nic-142or If you’d like to know more about Strengths Coaching and how it can help you, contact Nicole today. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call now to arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: a strengths coach, reduce stress, why do I need a coach

When Learner, Input & Intellection Go Dark

September 11, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

screen-shot-2016-09-11-at-4-49-14-pmThe day I discovered I was pregnant with my first child was one of the happiest days of my life. It was also the scariest. My body was not my own. I realised every mouthful, every action, every decision would be felt by two. 

I didn’t have control. 

This was unfamiliar territory. So I did what I’ve always done, I hit the books and followed a predictable pattern; study, find the path, learn more, feel safe. 

And it worked …

While my son was safety cocooned, I controlled our environment. I read the books, learnt the theory, gathered the knowledge and thought I could solve each problem. 

Then he was born. 

I was terrified of doing something wrong
It soon became obvious that all my learning, all the neat little theories, scenarios and models wouldn’t help. They were carefully placed boxes that looked pretty but weren’t real. For a person who’d always prided herself on finding the answer, it was a cruel joke.  Motherhood was not how I planned. It felt like I’d prepared for an English paper only to enter the exam room and find myself in Science practical. Being Mum meant ‘learning on the job’. I couldn’t systemise. I couldn’t pause, contemplate, re-read and redo. I needed to respond immediately. 

It was the first time in my life my ability to learn and gather information didn’t work.  I felt like a failure and believed I wasn’t good enough.  

I wish I’d known more about my talents 
According to StrengthsFinder, most of my talents are in the Strategic Thinking domain. Learning, processing ideas and gathering information energises me. They are my areas of greatest strength. However, if overused, they’re also my greatest weakness. 

I wish I’d known more about my talents when my son was born because understanding talent themes helps a person see resourceful and unresourceful behaviors. When I completed the Strengthfinder assessment I discovered my signature themes were Strategic Connectedness, Learner, Intellection and Input, Or, as I like to call them, Mum, Dad and the triplets.

Sometimes the Triplets Get in Trouble
In times of stress my coping strategy is – ‘learn more, think deeper, find more information’. This is the dark side of the Learner, Intellection, Input trio.

When in the Dark Trio’s grip I feel compelled to gather more information, ask more questions, conduct wider research. 

I gorge myself on knowledge and adopt a toxic mantra – process harder, think faster, do it alone. 

I get stuck in the belief that if I can just find the connection between my current circumstance and my desired condition, I’ll find my way. I believe knowledge will ease the pain and reduce the burden of guilt. I think the only way to ease the ‘I’m not good enough’ pain, is to find an elusive answer.  

Maybe you’ve experienced the dark side of the trio. 

A Deadly Collision – Tired, Stressed and Lonely
The dark trio appear when you hit the wall. You’re tired, stressed and short on resources. It could be a lack of time, lack of money, lack of love or lack of support. You’re disconnected and the ground beneath your feet is sucky mud. Your mind is stuck in a dark swamp and you can’t see clearly. You become disorientated and instead of swimming toward the surface, you go deeper. You look for an answer in the recesses of thought and become tangled in a looping search. However, rather than using the information you find, you bundle it into a pack on your back and keep searching. The load gets heavier and heavier until you collapse.

Stuck in an Endless Search
For many years the destructive power of the Dark Trio haunted me. 

I was in a constant search for answers.

Although I discovered the power of journaling, the value of narrative and the solace of meditation it wasn’t until I understood my talents that clouds lifted.

I found my words. 

Words of Ignition. 

Now, when I become disorientated, I have a vocabulary to rebuild connections. My personal words are like a signal to move out of a dark basement and into a light filled balcony. 

Using Trigger Words 
When you find your trigger words, you have a tool for monitoring self talk. My dark trio thrive on the words such as ‘I’m not good enough’. It is a thought pattern that sends them into overdrive, searching for the perfect answer. 

In the past, the dark trio paralysed me. Learner, Intellection and Input locked themselves in the basement playing in a sandpit of procrastination.

Now Connectedness and Strategic open the door. 

If I find myself in the basement feeling lonely, tired and helpless, I look to the words of Connectedness and Strategic. From this brightly lit place, Learner, Input and Intellection work productively. They find what is needed and take action. 

If you haven’t been exposed to StrengthsFinder, some of this vocabulary may sound strange. The important thing to see is where you ‘go’ in times of stress. Then you can discover the processes involved and find a better way to become unstuck. 

Delete toxic habits. 
It’s important to remember, each person has their own toxic patterns. These patterns create unresourceful behaviours. Therefore, a set of strategies that work for one person may not work for another. My unresourceful patterns relate to my trio. You may have a different set. This is why adopting a one size fits all solution to stress management doesn’t work. You need to recognise your own toxic words and patterns.

Find Your Words 
You can find your ‘words’ by understanding the fears associated with your talent themes. It’ll help you mind your self-talk and uncover what’s really going on.  You’ll manage stress by recognising your triggers.

My toxic vocabulary is 

  • I’m not good enough
  • I don’t have enough information’. 

It sends me into chronic search. Like an internet page that won’t load, I go round and round in a stationary circle searching for a broken link. 

However, I’ve learnt to recognise the signal. If I find myself using my toxic sentences, I reconnect to the server and open a new page.

What are your toxic words?

If you’d like to more about using the words of your talent themes to escape toxic internal dialogue and discover resourceful behaviours, contact Nicole for a free introduction to Strengths conversation. We’re based in QLD and can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call today to arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Input & Intellection Go Dark, manage stress, Strengths, Unresourceful behaviour, using trigger words, When Learner

My Strengths Family

July 4, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

Version 2Last night I watched Cheaper by the Dozen. Then I watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2. It was a night to reconnect with a sense of family. My mind wandered along its usual paths, climbing into crevices, checking hidden recesses for glimpses of gold and I stumbled upon a new intriguing image. My talents form a family.

Among coaches we’re used to using metaphors and thinking about relationships. We consider theme dynamics and look at how talents align, join together and form a pattern. My love of stories led me to personify the process. I think about my themes in terms of an imaginary board of directors and call on them for advice or ideas. We conduct meetings, discuss projects, plan events and action items. Sometimes, Strategic partners with Connectedness to work on a particular project. Other times, Intellection collaborates with Learner and Input. They provide the data Strategic and Connectedness need to keep everything moving forward. 

However, after thinking about the nature of family, I realised I could use a metaphor closer to home. My talents are more than a board of directors. They’re my internal family. When they function collaboratively with shared purpose and respect for what each brings, they create a sense of belonging. I feel strong, whole and complete. When I’m consciously aware of allowing my talents to play to their strengths, life seems to ‘work’. I am in flow and this is a space of happiness and positivity. 

Today I think of my Strategic as Dad – keeping us safe, guiding us forward and ensuring we reach our destination. Connectedness is Mum, holding us together, knowing where everyone is, what they need and building awareness of factors beyond an immediate field of vision. Intellection, Learner and Input are the children. They play in the space created by Strategic and Connectedness. As they grow and mature, they help ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ understand more about themselves and the changing dynamic of our family. Of course, as is the case with any family, there are times of discord. These are moments when one Talent is not appreciated or is in conflict with the needs of another. This is when Values step in to remind us of shared experience. We see what is important and navigate back on track. 

If you’ve seen the movie Inside Out, you’ll probably have a visual of what I’m talking about. If you’ve done the StrengthsFinder assessment and know your talent themes, you may like to try this exercise.

  1. Think about your talents and imagine what’s going on inside your mind.
  2. Be alert to the emotions and thoughts that accompany particular tasks – especially the ones that bring you joy. Notice how and when your talents are showing up in your life.
  3. Consciously think about the ways they work together.
  4. Personify your talents and create characters by imagining what they ‘look’ and ‘sound’ like.

You could even write a journal entry reflecting on something that’s happened in your life. However, rather than describing the events in terms of actions, think in terms of your talent characters and how they showed up to help.

Before becoming a Strengths Coach, I was a secondary school English teacher. I became an English teacher because I loved stories – not for the sake of literature but because stories offer a chance to share our lives and communicate thoughts and emotions. I believe stories are the strands of human connection. In terms of my talent family, stories are the rooms that create our home. 

 Where do your talents live?

 

If you’d like to know more about improving your communication skills or gaining a greater awareness of your innate patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour, contact Nicole today, We’re based in QLD and can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call and arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Based Parenting, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Clifton Strengths Finder, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, Strengths family

I Know My Strengths, Now What?

January 4, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

You’ve done a Strengths Assessment. Now what?

You were probably excited in the beginning. You read the results and felt comforted. You saw things you did well and felt happy because your talents are valuable. You realised you can direct your talents and achieve greater success. 

Good on you! 

That’s why tools such as the Clifton Strengths Finder are so valuable. They help you identify your talent and offer a challenge. They give you an opportunity to be intentional in your actions and apply what you do well to achieve more. 

Are you still doing it?

As with any new learning or way of being, you need to keep applying something until it becomes a habit. Even then, if you want to grow, develop and be skilled, you need to continually and consciously, move. This movement isn’t always physical, sometimes it is emotional and sometimes it’s intellectual. 

A Personal Example

Recently I was talking to a friend about the CSF and how to use it. He said he found the report accurate and interesting but as a person who’s already on a conscious path and already self-aware, he wasn’t sure how he’d continue using the information. His point was valid – and may go a long way toward explaining why I’ve found it challenging to grow my business to the next stage. For the past five days, I’ve sat on this question. I’ve let the ideas grow into an answer. Here’s something I realised – just this morning. 

I don’t mobilise people, I mobilise ideas. Whereas I’ve thought of myself as a people person, I’m beginning to see, I’m not – at least not in the classical sense. My place of strength, my achievement zone lays within the office of the mind. I like to get ideas off the ground, people simply come attached to the idea. That’s not to say people aren’t important. Of course they are, they’re the reason for the idea. However my talent lies within gathering, blending and building thought. I find it more complicated when gathering, motivating or influencing people.

People are my ‘Why’. Ideas are my ‘how’ and ‘what’. I do what I do because I want to help people. I want to support those around me and I want to give them an environment where they can reach their dreams. However, my process for doing so doesn’t rely on them. I don’t need people to do something. Instead my activity relies on me and the ideas I create and share. 

I hope you’re following this train of thought – I guess what I’m trying to express is for me, a Jerry Maguire style epiphany. 

Knowing that 4 of my top 5 Talent Themes are in the Strategic Thinking domain has given me the freedom to be comfortable in thought. I don’t need to follow the sales rules offered in certain professional development courses (you know, the ones that say; ‘I failed in business for the first three years and now I make SIX figures – you can too if you follow these 7 steps’). 

Instead, I choose forge my own path. 

You can too.

This post isn’t about offering rules for Strengths based awareness or guidelines for using your Strengths and achieving your 2016 goals. 

Instead it’s about inspiring thoughts. That’s what I do best. What you choose to do with those thoughts is up to you. Rather than give you new ideas, I’d like to help you access your thoughts. I’d like to help you sort through your ideas and, I can help you settle your mind when the ideas come so thick and fast it’s like a wading through a heavy storm. 

So, if you have taken your CSF and are wondering what to do with your new knowledge, I can help. I can help you grow and develop your thoughts by recognising how they connect with your emotions. Then it’s up to you to choose your actions, actions you feel comfortable with and that are right for you.

For me, this is a powerful thought. It is one of the magic self-realisations made possible by deep reflection and a daily conscious choice to flex and develop my innate talents. 

What now … How will you choose to use YOUR talents. 

 

Learn how to unlock your innate talent using the Clifton Strength Finder. Develop the relaxation and mindfulness habits that allow you to manage your mind. If you’d like to know more about improving your communication skills or gaining a greater awareness of your innate patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour, contact Nicole today, We’re based in QLD and can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call today to arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: I know my Strengths now What, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, Using CSF

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Nicole Shares Leadership Talents

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Nicole Talks Connectedness

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Is This MyStory – Guided Meditation

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