Have you ever met a person who just ‘gets you’? Chances are that person shares a similar ‘systems programme’. In other words, they probably process information using similar patterns to the ones you use. However, we are often required to interact with people who use different filters and processes. These relationships can be synergetic opportunities which draw on the strengths of each to produce optimal outcomes or they may be occasions of tension fuelled antagonism.
Imagine being able to develop effective, cooperative relationships with those you meet rather than being confined by the weight of fear, jealousy and resentment. Creating constructive, creative and flexible relationships enables us to move purposefully toward our objectives and achieve goals. If you were to find yourself in a supportive, stimulating and dynamic environment, imagine what you could accomplish!
This is where the concept of EQ (emotional intelligence) enters the relationship equation. EQ is a vital component of successful teams and associations. In social, professional and educational settings, those who have taken conscious steps toward developing their EQ are more likely to experience cohesive relationships than those who simply choose to operate within their own system or world view. If students were to develop their EQ at school, they would be better equipped to manage their behaviour, their relationships and their place within the community.
So what is Emotional Intelligence? EQ refers to an ability to identify emotions and the actions they trigger at both a personal and an interpersonal level. In other words being able to understand your own emotions and how they affect you while also noticing the feelings of others and how their emotions have affected them. Individuals with a high EQ tend to be the people we want to associate with. They are the people who make us feel valued and welcome. They tend to be well liked and experience more comfortable, effortless, ‘in the flow’ moments. This is achievable because those with EQ have developed an awareness of Self, are able to manage their responses to emotional stimulus, have social ‘sight’ and are responsive to the perspectives and feelings of others.
Imagine attending a school which has an academic structure that places the same emphasis on developing a student’s EQ as they do their IQ. This is the style of school I wish to teach in. Students can learn EQ. Developing EQ requires a person to look within themself and monitor their emotions, their reactions and their interactions with others. If you were to ask yourself questions about your openness to the beliefs and ideas of others; or about your ability to recognise the consequence of your actions; or how you respond to and offer praise, would you find yourself able to respond? Perhaps you may like to think about this now.
Other ways to begin developing your understanding of Self is to locate your ‘centre’. Mediation or focused breathing is a great way to start. More on mediation in a later post.
I’ve often wondered if EQ, kind of like IQ, is innate – and can’t really be taught?
Is IQ innate? Certainly I believe we have preferences and internal programming. However while it is interesting to question where these preferences and programmes originated, I like to think that just as we may refine, update and reload the operating systems on a computer, we can develop and re-configure our own thought processes and emotional reactions.
I think IQ is innate. However, people are programmed – normally incorrectly I think – and yes, people can be taught different ways to think. Teaching someone to think outside of the box, or employing problem solving techniques are great examples. But whether that actually improves their IQ might be a philosophical question I don’t know the answer to. It might be like memory – you can be taught some incredible techniques that appear to improve your memory. And for all intents and purposes it does. But then again, not really. But perhaps I’ve just answered my own question. If we can learn techniques that for all intents and purposes appear to improve your IQ or EQ, that can only help.