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Rips and Tides – Do you Allow your Emotions

July 31, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Do you realise that there will be times when you feel unhappy, lonely or annoyed? How do you react when your carefully laid plans do not follow the path you thought you had established?

Perhaps what I should ask is;
i) what do you do at these times and,
ii) do you have a strategy which will allow you to move through, rather than becoming trapped within your emotions?

It is at this time that I would like to suggest (as did Dr Russ Harris in his book The Happiness Trap) that allowing emotions is usually more helpful than ignoring or resisting them. In fact, as Harris points out, it is often the resistance to a particular emotion that creates a sense of pain.

To understand this better, imagine swimming at the beach. Imagine being enveloped by clear, blue water. Feel the bubbling, white foam as gentle waves dance over your skin and notice the soft, golden sand gracing the shoreline.  The sound of laughter fills your mind and you feel simultaneously relaxed and invigorated. Then, all of a sudden, you sense an unpleasant pull away from the shore and the once friendly waves seem to rise malevolently. They threaten to draw you down into a swirling abyss. Do you realise you have been caught in a rip? Do you know what to do?

Life guards teach us that the safest option is to allow the tide to carry us further out to sea. They warn us that if we resist the straining tide and attempt to swim against it, we will soon tire. If we continue to resist, we may sink beneath the battering waves. However, if we use our energy to stay afloat, swim parallel to the shore and simply allow the water carry us, eventually we will be free of it. True, we may be a considerable distance from where we started (or where we wanted to be), but we will be better equipped (or not as exhausted), to swim back to shore.

Of course to truly survive in this situation, you need faith in your capacity to swim. That is to say, you need faith in yourself and your abilities. With self confidence and a sense of balance, you can feel buoyant and aware. You can understand that once you have ‘ridden out the rip’, you can swim back to shore. Of course you may feel tired, but you will survive.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: allow emotions, allowing emotions, feel unhappy lonely or annoyed, nicole feledy

The Power Within A Smile

July 24, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

When I was 7, my father gave me a small poster inscribed with this poem. I do not know who wrote it, the copy I have simply records ‘Anonymous’. Nevertheless this mystery poet has had a profound impact on my life. It taught me about the caring power within a smile. A smile’s power can light the world; I wonder what it will do for you ?

A smile costs nothing, but gives much
It enriches those who receive
without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment,
but the memory of it
sometimes lasts forever

None is so rich or mighty that they
can get along without it
nd none is so poor but that
he can be made rich by it

A smile creates happiness in the home
fosters goodwill in business
and is the countersign of friendship
It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged;
sunshine to the sad and it is
Natures best antidote for trouble

Yet it cannot be bought, begged,
borrowed or stolen; for it is
something of no value to anyone
until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give
you a smile. Give them one
of yours, as none needs a smile
so much as he who has
no more give.

Anonymous

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: a smile's power, nicole feledy, Smile, The power within a smile

How People Think

December 29, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Have you ever contemplated how people think? Can we ever really know how  people think? I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, jumped into the shower and while the water relaxed and cleansed, my mind drifted. I enjoyed the book, although not as much as the reviews had me believe I should. Larsson has been described as offering an “original heroine”, and a “gripping plot”. I confess, crime fiction is not my usual choice so my credentials when it comes to judging the literary merit of the novel are somewhat dubious. However I was interested in why the Millennium series was so popular – and yes I do intend to read the other two books before forming an opinion. Nevertheless, initial musings suggested to me that readers are either drawn to the investigative or problem solving aspects of the prose, or they are compelled by a desire to understand the characters and their relationships.

Personally, I was not really intrigued by the mystery that is Lisbeth Salander or the search for the missing Harriet Vanger. Or, perhaps what I should say is that I did not recognise a thrilling plot, nor an overly unique heroine. Yet since that is what reviews led me to expect, I wondered what it was that I was missing? But then as I considered the character of Lisbeth Salander an interesting thought formed from the swirling mass of electronic impulses – can we ever really know how another person thinks or how they actually process the information presented to them to form an opinion?

Of course we can study the brain and its functions and we can interview, counsel and examine people’s reactions to various stimuli. We can listen to or read their opinions, beliefs and hear their explanation of their thought process. We can watch or have described to us, their emotional responses. However at all times, we are processing the information through our own set of filters, through our own understandings and, we are probably taking the internal workings of our brain for granted. After all, it is all we have every really known.

Yes we can be empathetic and ‘imagine’ how another person may be feeling or what they may be thinking and we can even hypothesise why they feel or think that way. Yet, we will still be computing the information using our own operating systems and we have no way (at least to my knowledge) of really knowing how truly compatible our systems are. Yes of course we can gauge similarities and determine harmonious or discordant patterns. In most cases we use this information to determine friend or foe. But, do we ever really, truly share the exact same thinking methodology? I think not, and, while that explains why personal relationships suffer from miss-communication it is also what adds flavour and excitement to them.

I believe the key is to accept that we each use our own unique operating systems that while comparable with others of our species, are not truly compatible (much like a PC and a Mac). When we acknowledge that our thought processes are unique we are more likely to understand that others naturally have their own unique thoughts and as such are as entitled to their ideas as we are. As a result we can begin to appreciate the voice of the philosopher Rumi who offered the idea, “out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing is a field, I will meet you there”.

 However, in light of some of the disturbing thought process exhibited by the certain characters in Larsson’s story I do feel compelled to point out that just because we can acknowledge the right of the individual to think their own thoughts, this does not necessarily mean we can draw a direct parallel to the actions of individuals. This is where the waters become murky as some are tempted to use the ‘rights of the individual’ theories as justification for dubious or even downright heinous activities. It is here that the notion of ‘values’ or ‘ethics’ becomes essential downloadable ‘shareware’. In other words, in order for individuals to live within a system (or society) there must exist a series of shared, acceptable, behavioural patterns that recognise an individual’s accountability for their actions and the responsibility to not impinge upon the emotional, intellectual or physical safety of others.

Stories such as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo offer readers insight into the thought processes and motivations of individuals on the fringes of society, outside it, at the top and bottom of it, while also sharing the actions and thoughts of the psychopath. Perhaps this is where its popularity lies. The intriguing aspect for me, is the recognition of just how differently we think. In fact, I wonder, as you read this, what you will focus on and what message you will take away?  How close will it be to the ideas I intended to convey?

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: is this my story, My Story, mystory, nicole feledy

Nicole Shares Leadership Talents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPG6tRrUC3I

Nicole Talks Connectedness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d73blYYRu_U&list=PLxDaK7wIyw947k6hxvoPa4-DYMbgJZYNt&index=1

Is This MyStory – Guided Meditation

https://isthismystory.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ITMSMeditation.mp3

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