Is This MyStory

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Job Seeking and Self Esteem

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Most of us have experienced rejection in one form or another and, it hurts. The pain deepens as one rejection lands on another. Imagine the impact on young adults looking for their first job or middle stage workers who, for one reason or another, find themselves scanning the employment pages.

It goes a little like this;

An email arrives in Jim’s inbox. He looks at the sender and notices the company relates to one of his job applications. He feels a moment of elation and hope. Jim clicks the email and reads; ‘we’ve had many quality applicants and appreciate the time you took to apply for this position but unfortunately, we won’t be taking your application further.’ 

The voice inside Jim’s head sees the unwritten words; ‘You didn’t make the cut, you’re not quality, your qualifications aren’t desirable.

This is the 4th letter Jim received this month and the voice inside his head begins to chant, ‘you don’t have what they need, your qualifications mean nothing, you’re, useless’.

However Jim’s tough. He ups his game. With perseverance and grit, he changes tact and widens his search. He becomes more qualified and continues to network. 

But still the rejection letters come. 

Jim’s written and re-written his CV and social media profiles so many times he can’t think of anything else to try. 

Pop psychology fills his news feed – Edison failed 100 x before he invented the light globe. The message seems trite.

Each rejection letter cuts over the previous. The hurt gets deeper and the pain radiates inward.

Continual rejection in the workforce has a debilitating effect on a person’s sense of self worth. They question their ability to contribute and doubt they have anything meaningful to give. Each rejection letter leads to more questions;

  • What’s wrong with me?
  • What else can I do?
  • Don’t people see value in what I offer?
  • Do they even see me?

Self esteem suffers. It becomes easier to drown in self doubt than manage another rejection. Rather than looking for work, they retreat into silent self loathing.

Unfortunately, multiple rejection is not only the experience of the long term unemployed, it is also the experience of many young people trying to find their first job and, many older people who have been retrenched or looking for a career change. How do they maintain self esteem and build self efficacy in the midst of exclusion? Support is vital but often the practical support a person needs is difficult to find.

Even though mindfulness, loving kindness meditation, gratitude journaling and the support of friends and family helps, sometimes it adds to a person’s sense of helplessness. They feel as though they should be able to cope. They have tools and support but, each rejection hurts. It feels like a warning. You haven’t done enough, you’re not good enough to follow you’re passion or you don’t have the capacity to do the work you trained for.

I wish I could offer a failsafe answer but there’s no easy solution. One thing I do know is you can count on your strengths. You can count on that one true inner voice that offers your true story. Learning how to hear that voice and use your strengths gives you the needle and thread to close each rejection wound so it doesn’t leave a bloody mess on the floor. Your talents provide a soothing balm. Your true story’s a guiding light. You succeed because you are called to do so.  When you focus on your talents, engage your strengths and inspire yourself you provide a proactive energy that is recognised by those around you. You know you have what you need to succeed and that energy is contagious. This energy becomes the fuel which guides you toward the role you are meant to play.

 

Nicole is a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, qualified meditation teacher and communication trainer. She helps people unlock thought processes, find their voice and connect to purpose. If you’d like to know more about the habits that allow you to manage your self talk and feel confident in your future, contact Nicole today. Learn how to unlock your innate talents in our complimentary Discover Purpose session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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Spot Strengths in the Classroom

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An anxious mind struggles to learn. A mind plagued by doubt has more things to worry about than the flow of a river or the secrets of ancient pyramids. A student who does not feel connected is more concerned with fitting in than standing up for what they know is right.

You know, the statistics are alarming.

Anxiety and depression in all levels of society are rising and youth are not immune. We need  better strategies in our classrooms to help students recognise and reach their potential. One simple, cost effective remedy is to change perspectives. Rather than focusing on what’s wrong or missing in a student, we can focus on what’s right. We can use success to fuel more success and realise, often a student’s greatest weakness is only a strength that has been over applied, under applied, misapplied or misunderstood.

The click here to read an article that originally appeared on Linked in. It describes how teachers can spot strengths in the classroom and give students a better opportunity for learning success.

 

Nicole is an experienced Secondary School English teacher, Certified Gallup Strengths coach and qualified Meditation teacher. She helps teachers and students connect to their purpose, find their path and deliver their message. Talk to her today and learn how to manage stress, find direction and understand the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If you would like to learn more about the factors influencing your  decision making process, contact Nicole today for a free, introductory coaching session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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Significance – Why Are Some People Ashamed of Their Talents?

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According to Gallup’s StrengthsFinder, people high in the Significance cluster of talents “want to be very important in others’ eyes. They are independent and want to be recognized.” Gallup Theme Descriptions 

When first introduced to the talent of Significance, many squirm uncomfortably. They think of a colleague, employee, boss or family member and shake their head in bemusement or reproof. Those who find the talent listed in their top 5, often shuffle a little lower in their seat or announce, ‘the test got it wrong’.

I’ve seen similar reactions to talents such as Command (in women), Empathy or Harmony (in men) and Competition (in both men and women).

Why do some talents engender such a negative response? Have we become so conditioned by society that we see something vital to our wellbeing as shameful?

My son has Significance in his top 5 (alongside Arranger, Includer, Adaptability and Harmony). When he first saw his talents he said; “but Mum, these are all the things I hate about myself”. It was an eye opening moment for both of us and lead to some deeply frank discussions. We explored self talk and the stories we’d been holding. We learnt about our preconceptions and misconceptions. He’d been weighed down by the impression there was something shameful about his most driving motivations. He’d shoved them down to a place they wouldn’t be noticed. Yet they played in the dark spaces of his mind sending out tendrils of anxiety and low self esteem. My son was denying the very things that made him strong – the aspects of himself that gave him a sense of worth. He was under using his Significance and it hurt. As mum, I realised I’d been carrying a balloon of positivity – all air and no substance. I’d only seen what was working in his life and had tried to remind him of his kindness and genuine care of others. I thought I was offering him what he needed when in actuality, I was adding to the problem. I didn’t see how he felt about what I was saying.

Talk about a penny dropping.

Looking back I see the conversation was a pivotal moment in our life. My son went from an anxious teenager to a confident young man in the space of 6 months. He owned his talents and it changed his life. Rather than accepting a preconception, he decided to take charge and be who he was born to be. In realising the power of his Significance talent (and what he could do with his Arranger, Includer, Harmony and Adaptability) he began to move the pieces of his life together and create a place for himself. In doing so he improved the life of others.

This is the strength of a talent such as Significance. It falls into Gallup’s leadership domain of Influence. Significance can be a gentle hand that inspires those around it to take action. It’s a talent that instinctively knows how to offer proactive feedback. Leaders with Significance know how to give their team the recognition they need most. A manager with Significance notices employee’s strengths and helps aim those talents where they’ll do most good. A teacher with Significance raises the profile of class and each student in it. A parent with Significance knows how to encourage their child’s effort and offer meaningful praise that inspires them forward. When a person offers significance, connection is built, positive emotion is exchanged and growth happens. As my son realised, Significance is a transformative strength to be proud of.

How often do people marginalise or trivialise a talent because the word itself is misunderstood? As a personal quality, significance is vital. In fact it has been recognised as a core need. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Esteem is near the top of the triangle. Put simply, we need to know what we do has value and is recognised. Feeling as though your contribution is significant and brings value to the group, fuels a sense of belonging and connection.

People high in Significance offer a vital component of a person’s overall sense of happiness and well being. A person who is high in Significance talents is motivated by the need to give. Yet so often this need is misinterpreted as a desire to be seen. However, being seen as important is not the intention, rather it is a gauge. It signals the usefulness of what was given and inspires connection, growth and further contributions.

Although I’ve concentrated on the talent of Significance, I could have equally written about any of Gallup’s 34 talents. Each one has a barrier label or negative preconception that must be overcome before a person can truely own their talents. Complicating this challenge is a tendency to merge preconceived ideas about a word with the talent’s name – the difference between the act of empathy and the talent of Empathy is one that often causes confusion. However, a deliberate, intentional exploration of self talk and stories can change these misconceptions and improve lives.

Just ask my son.

 

If you have Significance in your top 5 and want to learn how to love it, get in touch. If you’re struggling to accept your talents Nicole offers 1:1 coaching that’ll help you find peace in what you do best. She uses her core talents of Strategic, Connectedness, Learner, Intellection and Input to help people recognise the thoughts and emotions holding them back. As a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, Nicole has the experience and expertise to help you find and develop your strengths. Be more effective in communication, have positive relationships and feel confident in your purpose. Contact Nicole today for a free, ‘Connect to my path’ coaching consultation. 

We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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Learning Styles a Myth – Learn From Your Talents

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Learning styles may be a myth, but in my experience, people have preferred ways of processing information. As parents and teachers it is helpful to understand these patterns so we can support the learning process. 

Think about your own experience

Are you the sort of person who likes to journal and write down your thoughts or do you need to hear them aloud before they make sense?

Some people enjoy writing, it allows them to reflect deeply, ponder slowly and tease out ideas. On the page, thoughts become tangible. However, other people prefer talking, it allows them to listen to their ideas, see the reactions of people around them and take action. In this way, thoughts become corporeal.  A third group prefer to draw ideas, they create sketch notes and build thoughts into concrete manifestations. 

What causes these differences? 

A myriad of factors contribute to these differences and for the purposes of this article, knowing them isn’t important. What is important is understanding, people are different and learners are individuals. Research by Gallup suggests when we work (and learn) within our strengths zone, we’re more effective. People become more productive because their individualised needs and motivations are met. Even though we all have the capacity to process ideas through visual, auditory and kinesetic learning practices (and to be effective should employ all three) we have different talents. These talents have different ways of reaching an outcome.

For example, Mary is a student with high Relator talents. She is energised by deep, close relationships. She studies best in small groups where she can share her thoughts with friends. On the other hand, Jane has high Achiever talents. Her motivation comes from getting the job done. She would rather work alone. If forced to work in a group, Mary tends to do most of the task herself because she thinks the others aren’t keeping up or working as hard. Bill is high in the Competition talent. He thrives during tasks that match one student against another. He compares his results to someone else’s and needs to get the highest rank. If Bill thinks there’s little chance of victory, he doesn’t try very hard. To him it’s better ‘not playing’ than coming second. John is high in Context talents. He needs to understand the backstory. John thinks about how he managed similar tasks in the past and uses that memory to complete a current project. John’s actions seem slow to the teacher My Brown who has the Activator talent. Mr Brown wants students to get started straight away on the work he’s set.

Although this is a somewhat simplistic view – I’ve only highlighted single talents and in reality, people thrive when all of their top five talents are engaged, these examples show how individual students have different learning behaviours. Of course, the value of deep practice, curiosity, relevance, collaboration and making connections is the same for all learners. However how they approach these aspects of learning varies according to the motivations, needs and triggers of their talents. It is this extra level of understanding that can help our children achieve more success in the classroom. They can learn how they learn best. 

Improve Learning Outcomes

So rather than worrying about learning styles, teachers, parents and students can improve learning outcomes by developing self awareness and understanding the triggers, needs and contributions of specific talents. Students improve their results when their talents are understood because they feel understood. This is a performance focused approach to positive psychology. It helps a student identify both their purpose for learning and their process for learning. They develop their own tools and strategies to become self directed learners. Students feel understood and accepted by peers, teachers and themselves.

Rather than trying to be something they’re not, they focus on the learning outcome – the required skills and knowledge. 

If you were interested in these ideas and would like to read something similar check out the article I contributed to recently; How To Help Kids Improve Their Grades

If you would like to know more about how to use your talents for higher performance or how a Talent-based Strengths approach can improve your teaching and learning, contact Nicole today. Nicole is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, a trained meditation teacher and Secondary School English teacher with more than 17 years classroom experience. She is based in Sydney and offers coaching and workshop packages specifically targeted at students, teachers and families.

m: 0425 209 008 e:nicole@isthismystory.com

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Note: The Talents mentioned in this article are trademarks of Gallup. However Gallup have not endorsed this article nor are they affiliated in any way with this site.  If you would like to learn more about your talents you can take the Clifton Strengths Finder Assessment (Adults), the CliftonStrengths Students (14 – 18) or StrengthsExplorer (10 – 14). The costs involved with taking the assessment are a transaction between yourself and Gallup and we receive no commission or gain. 

Using Stories in Personal and Professional Development

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We tell ourselves stories all the time. We tell stories in an attempt to make sense of our world. We tell stories about our life and what we deserve. We tell stories to explain our actions. Yet how often do you consciously examine the stories you tell and how effectively do you evaluate the stories you see and hear? 

After years of teaching and training I’ve come to believe the most powerful aspect of stories are not necessarily their literary merit, but rather the opportunity to learn. Stories may be seen as life’s metaphors. Deliberate attention to the way a story is told can be the study of life experiences. Narrative is a vehicle for emotional intelligence because it provides an opportunity for social, emotional learning.

Stories offer entrance to a new world. We participate from a protected position so that, when a character learns, we learn. As we analyse the characters in a story and critically evaluate the strategies they use to overcome problems, we learn new perspectives of our own situations. We may also see innovative solutions. In other words, deliberate attention to story offers an opportunity to practise the evaluative skills that can help us understand the stories of our self talk. We recognise our choices have consequences and we are responsible for our actions.

Find the message
Think about a children’s movie. For example Disney’s re-make of Cinderella or the hugely successful Frozen. Why are they so popular? Perhaps it is because their message is simple, beautifully presented and light hearted. They feel good. They have recurring themes and motifs that build emotional connection through a simple message. 

“Have courage and Be Kind”

“Let it go”.

These movies use repetition, symbols and recurring metaphor. Disney is a master storyteller.  There are many storytellers who are very clever at engaging emotion and sharing a message. 

  1. Which movie, TV show or book calls to you? Why? 
  2. How does this relate to the way you like to live your life?
  3. What can you learn from this and other films, shows or books you enjoy?

Your answer to these questions reveals tangible ideas about your perspectives and values.  These perspectives offer clues about your perception of your place within your Story. 

Are you where you want and need to be? 

What will it take to be where you need to be?

Be Intentional in Your Use of Language
The language you use when recounting an event will also help you determine where you stand. Awareness of how language works highlights patterns in self-talk. Understanding language helps a person evaluate their inner world. This helps you function more effectively in your outer world. Symbols, metaphor and personification help you share complex ideas in simpler terms. Foreshadowing establishes directional markers that point toward a predetermined goal. 

  1. What metaphors or analogies do you use? 
  2. How do you foreshadow what is to come?
  3. Do you use words with positive, neutral or negative connotation?

What Story Will You Tell?
You may like to think of it this way, the stories you tell yourselves have the power to limit or enrich your life. They key is to identify which stories foster growth and development and which may be limiting you. The next step is to actively and deliberately phrase your story the way you want it to be.

When you change your story, you change your life.

Finally, remember, the core difference between a recount and a narrative is the Complication. A recount provides a sequence of events, a story weaves a shared experience by showing how a character overcomes a challenge. When you recognise the complication has a resolution, you find yourself with a plan for moving through life’s challenges. Rather than being stuck in a drama cycle, you have the strength to move through to your goal, dream or destination.

If you would like to know more about the intentional use of use of narrative please contact Nicole to learn more about our Storyboarding courses or Mindful Narrative of Strengths Coaching. You may even like to participate in our inaugural Is This MyStory Life Creation Course.

Call today to arrange a complimentary introductory session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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