Is This MyStory

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LIVING IN ISOLATION: A WRITING PROJECT

April 9, 2020 By Nicole Feledy

The events of 2020 have taken the world into uncharted territory. We are living through a historic event. Imagine having a record of your experience – how you felt, what you thought and what you did. 

Write about it

Writing helps a person make sense of their thoughts. To write clearly, it is necessary to write cohesively. Ideas, concepts and situations must be sequenced logically, or at least plausibly, so the reader can understand the message. Therefore, writing provides a tool for organising the flotsam and jetsam of the mind and helps a person fashion ideas into patterns that can be shared. It is this need for sorting, selecting and sequencing that makes writing an effective tool for reflection. Research has also shown that the narrative recounting of an experience can help a person make sense of what happened (Bruner, 1986; McAdams, 1993). Writing about events in narrative form is an opportunity to review situations from different perspectives. As a person shares a story, they are consciously choosing which elements to reveal and how to arrange them. This process can bring into focus what was previously hidden and may help a person become consciously aware of their thoughts, feelings and actions.  

The project described here is voluntary, it has been designed to capture your experience. The questions are simply prompts, the activities merely a guide. This is your opportunity to record your Story of Isolation.

POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES

Keep a journal or diary

At a regular time each day, record what you have done that day. Devote a few minutes to diarising the day’s events, activities and experiences. Then, read what you wrote the day before. Give a few minutes to reflecting on how you feel or think about what you wrote yesterday and jot down your thoughts. You may also like to project forward to reflect on thoughts or feelings about tomorrow. The aim is to create a continuous stream of linked thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Interview yourself and/ or family members

Self-interview

Use the questions as prompts. These questions are guides to start the flow of ideas – change them to suit your situation and aim. You may like to respond to only question, or you may choose to answer a few questions. You could answer a different question each day or base your choice on the experiences of the day. Write what you think and feel in the moment. 

Then, at a later time, go back and read what you wrote over a series of days. Sequence your writing into paragraphs and add any ideas, thoughts or feelings.

Interview a family member

Use the questions as prompts. Remember they are guides to start the flow of ideas – change them to suit your context and purpose. However, only ask one question per sitting. This will help keep interviews short (no more than 10 -15 minutes). Shorter interviews will be less cumbersome to transcribe. Record the interview so you can concentrate on what is being said. You may like to write down any thoughts or reflections you have during the interview. 

Then, at a later time, listen to the interview recording and write up a transcript. As you are writing, remove any interviewer questions, ums, ah’s and hesitations. Then structure the transcript into a narrative. Show it to the person you interviewed and ask them if they’d like to add any comments or additions to their story.

Possible interview questions

  • What was the highlight of today? Describe it.
  • What was your most memorable moment today? Describe it.
  • What activity did you most enjoy today? Describe what happened
  • What family activity did you most enjoy today? Describe what happened
  • What was the most rewarding part of today? Describe what happened
  • What was your favourite meal today? Why?
  • Was there any part of today you wish you could do again or do differently? Explain why.
  • If a film crew from a reality TV program was to film your day, what do you wish they recorded?
  • Where were you at … (insert time) and what were you doing, how did you feel at the time and what were you thinking?
  • Imagine it is one year from now and you are sharing your experience with a friend, what would you say about today?

If you choose to take part in this project, please let me know, I’d love to read what you write. 

References

Bruner, J., (1986), Actual Minds, Possible Worlds, Harvard University Press, Massachusetts 

McAdams, D.P., (1993), The Stories We Live By, The Guilford Press, New York

If you would like to learn more about the factors influencing your  decision making process, contact Nicole  

e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Nicole is an experienced Secondary School English teacher, Certified Gallup Strengths coach and qualified Meditation teacher. She helps teachers and students manage stress, find direction and understand the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  

Filed Under: Blog, Writing Tagged With: is this mystory, living in isolation

Job Seeking and Self Esteem

April 13, 2018 By Nicole Feledy

Most of us have experienced rejection in one form or another and, it hurts. The pain deepens as one rejection lands on another. Imagine the impact on young adults looking for their first job or middle stage workers who, for one reason or another, find themselves scanning the employment pages.

It goes a little like this;

An email arrives in Jim’s inbox. He looks at the sender and notices the company relates to one of his job applications. He feels a moment of elation and hope. Jim clicks the email and reads; ‘we’ve had many quality applicants and appreciate the time you took to apply for this position but unfortunately, we won’t be taking your application further.’ 

The voice inside Jim’s head sees the unwritten words; ‘You didn’t make the cut, you’re not quality, your qualifications aren’t desirable.

This is the 4th letter Jim received this month and the voice inside his head begins to chant, ‘you don’t have what they need, your qualifications mean nothing, you’re, useless’.

However Jim’s tough. He ups his game. With perseverance and grit, he changes tact and widens his search. He becomes more qualified and continues to network. 

But still the rejection letters come. 

Jim’s written and re-written his CV and social media profiles so many times he can’t think of anything else to try. 

Pop psychology fills his news feed – Edison failed 100 x before he invented the light globe. The message seems trite.

Each rejection letter cuts over the previous. The hurt gets deeper and the pain radiates inward.

Continual rejection in the workforce has a debilitating effect on a person’s sense of self worth. They question their ability to contribute and doubt they have anything meaningful to give. Each rejection letter leads to more questions;

  • What’s wrong with me?
  • What else can I do?
  • Don’t people see value in what I offer?
  • Do they even see me?

Self esteem suffers. It becomes easier to drown in self doubt than manage another rejection. Rather than looking for work, they retreat into silent self loathing.

Unfortunately, multiple rejection is not only the experience of the long term unemployed, it is also the experience of many young people trying to find their first job and, many older people who have been retrenched or looking for a career change. How do they maintain self esteem and build self efficacy in the midst of exclusion? Support is vital but often the practical support a person needs is difficult to find.

Even though mindfulness, loving kindness meditation, gratitude journaling and the support of friends and family helps, sometimes it adds to a person’s sense of helplessness. They feel as though they should be able to cope. They have tools and support but, each rejection hurts. It feels like a warning. You haven’t done enough, you’re not good enough to follow you’re passion or you don’t have the capacity to do the work you trained for.

I wish I could offer a failsafe answer but there’s no easy solution. One thing I do know is you can count on your strengths. You can count on that one true inner voice that offers your true story. Learning how to hear that voice and use your strengths gives you the needle and thread to close each rejection wound so it doesn’t leave a bloody mess on the floor. Your talents provide a soothing balm. Your true story’s a guiding light. You succeed because you are called to do so.  When you focus on your talents, engage your strengths and inspire yourself you provide a proactive energy that is recognised by those around you. You know you have what you need to succeed and that energy is contagious. This energy becomes the fuel which guides you toward the role you are meant to play.

 

Nicole is a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, qualified meditation teacher and communication trainer. She helps people unlock thought processes, find their voice and connect to purpose. If you’d like to know more about the habits that allow you to manage your self talk and feel confident in your future, contact Nicole today. Learn how to unlock your innate talents in our complimentary Discover Purpose session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Self Esteem, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Job seeking and self esteem, job seeking and strengths Gold Coast

Spot Strengths in the Classroom

March 13, 2018 By Nicole Feledy

An anxious mind struggles to learn. A mind plagued by doubt has more things to worry about than the flow of a river or the secrets of ancient pyramids. A student who does not feel connected is more concerned with fitting in than standing up for what they know is right.

You know, the statistics are alarming.

Anxiety and depression in all levels of society are rising and youth are not immune. We need  better strategies in our classrooms to help students recognise and reach their potential. One simple, cost effective remedy is to change perspectives. Rather than focusing on what’s wrong or missing in a student, we can focus on what’s right. We can use success to fuel more success and realise, often a student’s greatest weakness is only a strength that has been over applied, under applied, misapplied or misunderstood.

The click here to read an article that originally appeared on Linked in. It describes how teachers can spot strengths in the classroom and give students a better opportunity for learning success.

 

Nicole is an experienced Secondary School English teacher, Certified Gallup Strengths coach and qualified Meditation teacher. She helps teachers and students connect to their purpose, find their path and deliver their message. Talk to her today and learn how to manage stress, find direction and understand the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If you would like to learn more about the factors influencing your  decision making process, contact Nicole today for a free, introductory coaching session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching, Teaching Tagged With: spot talents, spotting strengths, teachers using strengths in the classroom

5 Steps to Avoid Teacher Burnout – Start Strong and Stay Strong

January 29, 2018 By Nicole Feledy

Get off the term by term rollercoaster – How I went from being a teacher exhausted at the end of each term to one who feels energised and alert throughout the year.

Summer holidays were a balmy blend of family time and relaxation. You caught up with friends, attended to put off projects and even squeezed in an exotic holiday. You went to school, decorated your room, organised class lists and prepared resources.  The year still has its shinny newness and your mind is awake and refreshed.

Or maybe, like many of your colleagues, the shadows of last year remain and you’re wondering how you’ll get through another 12 months.

I understand. I’ve been there.

Despite being an experienced teacher, who practiced mindfulness and devoted years to Positive Psychology, Grit and a Growth Mindset, I’d still find myself drained by the end of the year. During the holidays I’d top myself up, feel inspired and ready to start the new year only to be exhausted by the end of term one. Term break brought brief respite then I’d be back into full alert, until the end of term when I’d collapse in a heap … and so the rollercoaster continued.

Perhaps you can relate.

The start of school inspires anticipation and apprehension. Students and teachers alike share a sense of enthusiasm and foreboding. Excitement about new classes, friends and learning, wars with anxiety about new classes, friends and learning. Thinking about relationships, workload and balancing needs with responsibilities is challenging. Your mind fills with questions;

  1. How can I maintain my energy levels?
  2. What’s going to be expected of me this year?
  3. Will I have a chance to achieve something meaningful?

It was the same set of questions repeated each year until, in 2014, I found a better way. I began teaching with my Strengths and saw how to use Emotional Intelligence to increase Self Efficacy and get off the term-by-term roller coaster.

I guess, I could have called this article One Step to Avoid Teacher Burnout because developing a practical understanding of my teaching Strengths was the single biggest factor to change my life. It gave me the freedom and energy to be my best while giving my best.

In itself, discovering a Strengths approach wasn’t revolutionary. After all, a strengths approach only works if it is actively applied. Rather, it was combining the foundational work I’d undergone over the previous ten years, with a Strengths approach, that provided the key to a life that’s both energising and soothing. This is what I share with you. Five steps to combine a Strengths approach with Mindfulness and Metacognition so you can start strong and stay strong throughout the year. In other words, use your natural patterns of thought, emotion and behaviour in a proactive way that creates energy rather than depleting it.

The thing is, by reading this article you’re already showing interest in doing more for yourself. No doubt you’ve done the courses and read the books. You know about being an effective teacher. You’re confident in your ability to teach. Maybe you understand the benefits of mindfulness and if you haven’t already started practising, it’s on your to-do list.  But perhaps, there’s a niggling sense of something missing. You’re probably reading a ‘how to’ article because you want tangible steps and practical strategies to make this year better than last.

First, as an exercise, do a check-in. What are you thinking about the year ahead and how are you feeling? Notice the association between the thought and emotion.

Remember, in most instances, a thought leads to an emotion and the emotion prompts a behaviour. This process happens fast, so fast you often don’t see the connection. However, the more consciously you notice the link between thought, emotion and behaviour, the more you’ll place yourself in a position of choice. The aim here is to develop a link between your Emotional Intelligence and your Self Efficacy.

Here is why recognising what you think about the year ahead is important. Research has shown when teachers have faith in their skills and believe they’re able to manage the factors which contribute to their success, classrooms are happier and more productive. Conversely, the lower the sense of self efficacy, the lower the motivation and higher the chance of giving up and burning out.

  1. How much faith do you have in your skills?
  2. Do you believe you have access and power to influence the factors that contribute to your success?

Recognising how you feel about the year ahead is also important. Daniel Goleman has been emphasising the importance of Emotional Intelligence in the workplace for over decade. As Goleman explains, the more a person understands and manages their own emotions, the more likely they’ll interact with others in a proactive and compassionate way. Therefore, emotional intelligence increases effectiveness in terms of relationships, leadership and productivity.

  1. How do you feel about your skills in the classroom?
  2. How do you feel about your ability to access and manage the factors contributing to your success?

Taking action on these thoughts and feelings is where EI, Self Efficacy and Strengths intersect.  When you are ‘in management’ of your thoughts and feelings, you conserve psychological energy. You experience less worry, less stress and do what needs to be done with efficiency and proficiency. Follow the five steps below and you’ll strengthen your ability to manage your thoughts, feelings and associated behaviours

Five Steps to Stay Strong Throughout the Year

1- Know Yourself

Identify, understand and apply your Strengths and Values. Accept you and be you. Remember airplane emergency instructions. First fit your oxygen mask so you are able to help others with their’s . Establish boundaries, understand your motivations. Know the words to articulate what you need in order to contribute you best. Listen to your body – have enough sleep, eat healthy foods and exercise regularly.

Action: 

  •  Learn more about how to apply your strengths in the classroom. Read one of the books listed below or enrol in one of our NESA accredited Strengths and Teaching workshops or coaching packages. 
  • Do the Clifton Strengths Finder and a values assessment (note: there are many different tools for accessing your values. eg line tests or a meditation / reflection. Alternatively, try the VIA – values in action Character Strengths and consider how the results reflect your values).

Enrol in our Free NESA registered Seminar – Introduction to Strengths in the Classroom  

2 – Practice meditation / mindfulness

This will help you complete step 1. You can identify thought and emotional patterns, recognise triggers, reduce stress and manage anxiety – especially the anxiety you don’t know you have.

Action:

  • Download our mini mindfulness script to keep at your desk
  • Use a mindfulness app eg Insight Timer
  • Read articles to develop your knowledge of a mindfulness approach. eg – Mindful Magazine (note: if you scroll down the page you can sign up for the free newsletter)
  • Attend a mindfulness class or coaching program

3 – Identify your Why or Mission

Know your purpose and use it for inspiration and guidance. Remind yourself why you became a teacher and what you hoped to achieve. Consider your values and how they relate to your teaching practice and goals. Regularly check in – where are you (emotionally and mentally) and why are you doing what you’re doing.

Action:

  • Create a poster that states your mission. Use a program such as Canva or, if time is of the essence, simply write on a sticky note. Place your mission statement where you’ll see it each day. Have it in plain sight for those times when ‘it’ hits the fan and things get tough – you know what I mean, those weeks when exams, roll into reports which roll into a series of pt nights …

4 – Socialise and Connect with Colleagues

Gallup’s research shows having a friend at work significantly increases engagement. Create meaningful connections and support each other. Make the time for peer to peer coaching sessions and find a mentor.

Action:

  • Schedule a time for peer to peer coaching / mentoring. It could be recess, lunch, after school or a spare period. Whatever the time, set it as sacred. It could be weekly or monthly but make sure it’s regular and it happens.
  • Approach a senior teacher you admire and ask if they’d be willing to be your mentor. If you do not have direct access to a person with whom you feel comfortable, read the work of a specific teacher you’d like to emulate. However, remember their strengths are likely to be different to yours. Look at how they achieved what they achieved and consider how you can use your strengths to achieve similar outcomes. We offer specific NESA registered teacher coaching packages to help with this.

5 – Celebrate your successes.

Start a habit of gratitude and recognise your own work – rather than waiting for someone else to notice. Identify what works, what doesn’t and how you created success. Be alert to your talents and strengths. Cultivate and apply a psychology of strength.

Action:

  • Start a gratitude diary or add a column to your teaching planner. Each day, before you leave school, write down three things you were grateful for. In the morning, before you start school, read your gratitude statements from the day before and hold them in your mind while doing 2 minutes of mindful breathing.

 

Nicole is an experienced Secondary School English teacher, Gallup certified Strengths coach and qualified Meditation teacher. She helps teachers and students use their Strengths to find purpose, communicate effectively and build relationships. Nicole offers tools and strategies for managing stress and understanding the connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviours. When you contact Nicole, ask about her free, introductory coaching session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

 

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

If you enjoyed this article and would like to read  more about a strengths approach, look at

I know my Strengths, Now What

How to Increase Student Engagement

You may also enjoy the books

Teach with Your Strengths – Prof Mary Rackmeyer

The Strengths Switch – Dr Lee Waters

The Miracle of Mindfulness – Thich Nhat Hanh

Filed Under: Blog, Teaching Tagged With: 5 Steps to Avoid Teacher Burnout, How can I maintain my energy levels, how to get through another 12 months, strengths and teaching

Mindfulness at Work

December 22, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

Research shows Mindfulness works. Paradoxically, it helps us slow down to speed up. When a person develops a habit of mindfulness they become more alert to what is happening around them and what is happening within them. It is this ability to recognise environmental, emotional and thought based triggers (before they escalate in to a behaviour) that develops efficient practices at work and home.

If your workplace is a stress place or you’d like to practice a more mindful approach to life, have a look at this recent article I published on LinkedIn. It offers 4 easy to implement activities that help you be mindful at work.

 Nicole is an experienced Secondary School English teacher, Certified Gallup Strengths coach and qualified Meditation teacher based in Sydney. She helps people connect to their purpose, find their path and deliver their message. Talk to her today and learn how to manage stress, find direction and understand the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If you would like to learn more about the factors influencing your  decision making process, contact Nicole today for a free, introductory coaching session. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Welcome to a World of Expression

 

Filed Under: Blog, Meditation and Mindfulness Tagged With: Mindful at Work, Mindfulness and work

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Live a Mindful Strengths based Narrative

What Happens When You're Mindfully Aware of Your Story? Mindfulness allows a person to access their stories - we see our personal narratives from an objective perspective. So imagine what happens … Read More

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