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Rips and Tides – Do you Allow your Emotions

July 31, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Do you realise that there will be times when you feel unhappy, lonely or annoyed? How do you react when your carefully laid plans do not follow the path you thought you had established?

Perhaps what I should ask is;
i) what do you do at these times and,
ii) do you have a strategy which will allow you to move through, rather than becoming trapped within your emotions?

It is at this time that I would like to suggest (as did Dr Russ Harris in his book The Happiness Trap) that allowing emotions is usually more helpful than ignoring or resisting them. In fact, as Harris points out, it is often the resistance to a particular emotion that creates a sense of pain.

To understand this better, imagine swimming at the beach. Imagine being enveloped by clear, blue water. Feel the bubbling, white foam as gentle waves dance over your skin and notice the soft, golden sand gracing the shoreline.  The sound of laughter fills your mind and you feel simultaneously relaxed and invigorated. Then, all of a sudden, you sense an unpleasant pull away from the shore and the once friendly waves seem to rise malevolently. They threaten to draw you down into a swirling abyss. Do you realise you have been caught in a rip? Do you know what to do?

Life guards teach us that the safest option is to allow the tide to carry us further out to sea. They warn us that if we resist the straining tide and attempt to swim against it, we will soon tire. If we continue to resist, we may sink beneath the battering waves. However, if we use our energy to stay afloat, swim parallel to the shore and simply allow the water carry us, eventually we will be free of it. True, we may be a considerable distance from where we started (or where we wanted to be), but we will be better equipped (or not as exhausted), to swim back to shore.

Of course to truly survive in this situation, you need faith in your capacity to swim. That is to say, you need faith in yourself and your abilities. With self confidence and a sense of balance, you can feel buoyant and aware. You can understand that once you have ‘ridden out the rip’, you can swim back to shore. Of course you may feel tired, but you will survive.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: allow emotions, allowing emotions, feel unhappy lonely or annoyed, nicole feledy

The Power Within A Smile

July 24, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

When I was 7, my father gave me a small poster inscribed with this poem. I do not know who wrote it, the copy I have simply records ‘Anonymous’. Nevertheless this mystery poet has had a profound impact on my life. It taught me about the caring power within a smile. A smile’s power can light the world; I wonder what it will do for you ?

A smile costs nothing, but gives much
It enriches those who receive
without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment,
but the memory of it
sometimes lasts forever

None is so rich or mighty that they
can get along without it
nd none is so poor but that
he can be made rich by it

A smile creates happiness in the home
fosters goodwill in business
and is the countersign of friendship
It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged;
sunshine to the sad and it is
Natures best antidote for trouble

Yet it cannot be bought, begged,
borrowed or stolen; for it is
something of no value to anyone
until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give
you a smile. Give them one
of yours, as none needs a smile
so much as he who has
no more give.

Anonymous

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: a smile's power, nicole feledy, Smile, The power within a smile

Friendship; A Powerful Learning Tool

July 17, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Catching up with friends is an energy boost for the head and heart. Our friends have the capacity to inspire, motivate and soothe because infused within the bonds of friendship is the recognition of shared experiences and complimentary beliefs. Since friends are the people we trust, we can relax in their company and enjoy the moment. It is within this mindful state that confidence, creativity and innovation flourish. Recently I was lucky enough to reconnect with an old school friend who I had not seen or spoken to for over 10 years. Over coffee we shared recent pasts, reminisced over shared histories and contemplated the future. We investigated ideas and examined social assumptions. In other words we chatted for hours, entertaining our hearts and invigorating our minds. The challenge for schools is to recognise and harness this form of energy.

Imagine learning the skills that will lay a foundational mindset which will enable you to accomplish whatever it is that you set out to accomplish. Too often when we are at school we forget that this potent energy force may be channelled equally into social and academic endeavours. The simplest and most tangible example which comes to mind is the ‘study group’. When conceived within a similar mindset to that of the corporate world’s ‘mastermind group’, the study group becomes a powerful vehicle for blending and creating critical thought processes.

Too often schools are viewed as institutions responsible for the dissemination of knowledge. Teachers teach, students learn and knowledge is restricted to what can be ‘remembered’ and regurgitated in a test. However, in reality schools should be the hub where young people gather the tools they need for their future. Today, content information is easily accessed by those who have the skills required to find it. More importantly, understanding or ‘knowledge’, is available to those who have developed the skills of critical analysis and critical thinking. Thus, it is not ‘knowledge’ which is the key, but ‘aptitude’. What must be remembered is that this is not a ‘new’ feature of 21st century living. Rather, it is a principle that has existed for a very, very long time.

This was made blaringly apparent to me when, stimulated after chatting with a friend, I reflected on my own school days. I realised that some classmates who did not ‘succeed’ in school, did succeed in life. Conversely, some who achieved at school have not achieved the same pre-eminence in the ‘real world’. Of course, some who were successful at school have achieved in life and some who struggled, have continued to struggle. The obvious message here is that ‘success’ or ‘failure’ at a school, in particularly the ability to perform in school examinations, does not provide a direct correlation to an individual’s ability to ‘perform’ in life. Rather, what does have an impact is ‘mindset’. Attributes such as creativity, flexibility and courage, when combined with qualities such as determination, persistence and critical thinking, merge to promote constructive thinking programmes. In other words those who have a proactive mindset are more likely to achieve what they set out to achieve than those who simply wait for opportunities to come to them.

Schools have the opportunity to help students develop these opportunistic thought processes because schools are places where friends gather, information is shared and ideas are generated. You may like to envisage a scholastic ‘coffee club’ or ‘study mastermind union’. In this case you will find yourself recognising that moments shared with friends are powerful moments and if you were to harness this energy imagine what you could achieve.

Filed Under: Learning Tagged With: friends, friendship a powerful learning tool, Learning

Teaching EQ

July 15, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Have you ever met a person who just ‘gets you’? Chances are that person shares a similar ‘systems programme’. In other words, they probably process information using similar patterns to the ones you use. However, we are often required to interact with people who use different filters and processes. These relationships can be synergetic opportunities which draw on the strengths of each to produce optimal outcomes or they may be occasions of tension fuelled antagonism.

Imagine being able to develop effective, cooperative relationships with those you meet rather than being confined by the weight of fear, jealousy and resentment. Creating constructive, creative and flexible relationships enables us to move purposefully toward our objectives and achieve goals. If you were to find yourself in a supportive, stimulating and dynamic environment, imagine what you could accomplish!

This is where the concept of EQ (emotional intelligence) enters the relationship equation. EQ is a vital component of successful teams and associations. In social, professional and educational settings, those who have taken conscious steps toward developing their EQ are more likely to experience cohesive relationships than those who simply choose to operate within their own system or world view. If students were to develop their EQ at school, they would be better equipped to manage their behaviour, their relationships and their place within the community.

So what is Emotional Intelligence? EQ refers to an ability to identify emotions and the actions they trigger at both a personal and an interpersonal level. In other words being able to understand your own emotions and how they affect you while also noticing the feelings of others and how their emotions have affected them. Individuals with a high EQ tend to be the people we want to associate with. They are the people who make us feel valued and welcome. They tend to be well liked and experience more comfortable, effortless, ‘in the flow’ moments. This is achievable because those with EQ have developed an awareness of Self, are able to manage their responses to emotional stimulus, have social ‘sight’ and are responsive to the perspectives and feelings of others.

Imagine attending a school which has an academic structure that places the same emphasis on developing a student’s EQ as they do their IQ. This is the style of school I wish to teach in. Students can learn EQ. Developing EQ requires a person to look within themself and monitor their emotions, their reactions and their interactions with others. If you were to ask yourself questions about your openness to the beliefs and ideas of others; or about your ability to recognise the consequence of your actions; or how you respond to and offer praise, would you find yourself able to respond? Perhaps you may like to think about this now.

Other ways to begin developing your understanding of Self is to locate your ‘centre’. Mediation or focused breathing is a great way to start. More on mediation in a later post.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Emotional Intelligence, Teaching EQ

School Holidays

July 11, 2011 By Nicole Feledy

Looking out over the gentle ripples of shifting shades and peaceful reflections I question, has a whole week really passed? Reality responds yes… it passed in a magical blink.

While to some, school holidays may seem like a too frequent luxury (or evidence that students and teachers ‘have it easy’) to those blessed with EI, they are an essential opportunity. Those with ‘Emotional Intelligence’ realise that creativity, flexibility and insight thrive in environments that are ‘alive’ with the energy of possibility. Conversely, they know that exhaustion perpetuates anxiety and stifles imagination. In short, individuals processing EI recognise emotions and their effect on the physical and mental body; they understand that holidays offer the opportunity to reflect and recharge. When regular breaks in routine are viewed as respite and an occasion to renew emotional resources, holidays become an essential component of the school year. In this case, school holidays become the motivational source for the following term.

So… rest, relax, be aware of the moments and enjoy your holidays.

Filed Under: Learning, Teaching Tagged With: role of schools, school holidays

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