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Significance – Why Are Some People Ashamed of Their Talents?

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According to Gallup’s StrengthsFinder, people high in the Significance cluster of talents “want to be very important in others’ eyes. They are independent and want to be recognized.” Gallup Theme Descriptions 

When first introduced to the talent of Significance, many squirm uncomfortably. They think of a colleague, employee, boss or family member and shake their head in bemusement or reproof. Those who find the talent listed in their top 5, often shuffle a little lower in their seat or announce, ‘the test got it wrong’.

I’ve seen similar reactions to talents such as Command (in women), Empathy or Harmony (in men) and Competition (in both men and women).

Why do some talents engender such a negative response? Have we become so conditioned by society that we see something vital to our wellbeing as shameful?

My son has Significance in his top 5 (alongside Arranger, Includer, Adaptability and Harmony). When he first saw his talents he said; “but Mum, these are all the things I hate about myself”. It was an eye opening moment for both of us and lead to some deeply frank discussions. We explored self talk and the stories we’d been holding. We learnt about our preconceptions and misconceptions. He’d been weighed down by the impression there was something shameful about his most driving motivations. He’d shoved them down to a place they wouldn’t be noticed. Yet they played in the dark spaces of his mind sending out tendrils of anxiety and low self esteem. My son was denying the very things that made him strong – the aspects of himself that gave him a sense of worth. He was under using his Significance and it hurt. As mum, I realised I’d been carrying a balloon of positivity – all air and no substance. I’d only seen what was working in his life and had tried to remind him of his kindness and genuine care of others. I thought I was offering him what he needed when in actuality, I was adding to the problem. I didn’t see how he felt about what I was saying.

Talk about a penny dropping.

Looking back I see the conversation was a pivotal moment in our life. My son went from an anxious teenager to a confident young man in the space of 6 months. He owned his talents and it changed his life. Rather than accepting a preconception, he decided to take charge and be who he was born to be. In realising the power of his Significance talent (and what he could do with his Arranger, Includer, Harmony and Adaptability) he began to move the pieces of his life together and create a place for himself. In doing so he improved the life of others.

This is the strength of a talent such as Significance. It falls into Gallup’s leadership domain of Influence. Significance can be a gentle hand that inspires those around it to take action. It’s a talent that instinctively knows how to offer proactive feedback. Leaders with Significance know how to give their team the recognition they need most. A manager with Significance notices employee’s strengths and helps aim those talents where they’ll do most good. A teacher with Significance raises the profile of class and each student in it. A parent with Significance knows how to encourage their child’s effort and offer meaningful praise that inspires them forward. When a person offers significance, connection is built, positive emotion is exchanged and growth happens. As my son realised, Significance is a transformative strength to be proud of.

How often do people marginalise or trivialise a talent because the word itself is misunderstood? As a personal quality, significance is vital. In fact it has been recognised as a core need. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Esteem is near the top of the triangle. Put simply, we need to know what we do has value and is recognised. Feeling as though your contribution is significant and brings value to the group, fuels a sense of belonging and connection.

People high in Significance offer a vital component of a person’s overall sense of happiness and well being. A person who is high in Significance talents is motivated by the need to give. Yet so often this need is misinterpreted as a desire to be seen. However, being seen as important is not the intention, rather it is a gauge. It signals the usefulness of what was given and inspires connection, growth and further contributions.

Although I’ve concentrated on the talent of Significance, I could have equally written about any of Gallup’s 34 talents. Each one has a barrier label or negative preconception that must be overcome before a person can truely own their talents. Complicating this challenge is a tendency to merge preconceived ideas about a word with the talent’s name – the difference between the act of empathy and the talent of Empathy is one that often causes confusion. However, a deliberate, intentional exploration of self talk and stories can change these misconceptions and improve lives.

Just ask my son.

 

If you have Significance in your top 5 and want to learn how to love it, get in touch. If you’re struggling to accept your talents Nicole offers 1:1 coaching that’ll help you find peace in what you do best. She uses her core talents of Strategic, Connectedness, Learner, Intellection and Input to help people recognise the thoughts and emotions holding them back. As a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, Nicole has the experience and expertise to help you find and develop your strengths. Be more effective in communication, have positive relationships and feel confident in your purpose. Contact Nicole today for a free, ‘Connect to my path’ coaching consultation. 

We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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To the Class of 2017

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It is that time of year for Year 12. Trial exams are over, classes have finished and a groundswell of excitement builds. Only a few short hours stand between you and a life beyond school walls. Of course, excitement is tainted with a hefty dose of apprehension. The spectre of final exams reaches gnarly fingers to inspire awe and angst. It wars with a nostalgic need to remember.

These lingering memories are important. They will sustain you through the tumultuous weeks of revision. Of course the objective is to remember the countless hours given in class and at home, devouring text books, discussing ideas and writing a plethora of hand aching notes. However, in these last few days, knowledge and skills are not the memories of solace. Rather, the memories to be squirreled away are those of friendship. Teachers, coaches, mentors and friends will hold a special place.  

I once heard it said that people who claimed their ‘best years of life were at school’ had wasted their dreams. I’m not so sure. I still believe that some of my best times were in the dying days of school. It was then that petty jealousy and competition was abandoned. As a collective force we realised we were about to face one of our biggest challenges thus far. It was an uncertain future.

Many of us didn’t know what we wanted. Even if we did, we weren’t sure we’d get it. But we knew we faced it together, a united cohort filled with faces we’d seen almost every day for the past six, sometimes even 12 years (and remember, at age 17, that accounted for one or two thirds of our entire lives). So, in those last days of school we sought and traded memories; memories of that party, this excursion and those sports events. We wrote in each other’s year books, on shirts and on tunics. We wrote as though each classmate was a close friend and we meant it! 

To the class of 2017, I wish a sensational set of days. Support each other, keep your dreams firmly in sight, devote time to study, allocate moments to reflect and retain a determined attitude. Be creative and courageous, enjoy the study period and experience a rewarding HSC.  

 

 

Is This MyStory provides the tools to feel better about yourself and your decisions. Nicole is a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, qualified meditation teacher and experienced secondary school teacher. She helps teenagers use their strengths, manage their mind and feel good about themselves. If you’d to know more contact Nicole today. We can arrange face to face consultations in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. Contact us today to book a free consultation.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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Learning Styles a Myth – Learn From Your Talents

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Learning styles may be a myth, but in my experience, people have preferred ways of processing information. As parents and teachers it is helpful to understand these patterns so we can support the learning process. 

Think about your own experience

Are you the sort of person who likes to journal and write down your thoughts or do you need to hear them aloud before they make sense?

Some people enjoy writing, it allows them to reflect deeply, ponder slowly and tease out ideas. On the page, thoughts become tangible. However, other people prefer talking, it allows them to listen to their ideas, see the reactions of people around them and take action. In this way, thoughts become corporeal.  A third group prefer to draw ideas, they create sketch notes and build thoughts into concrete manifestations. 

What causes these differences? 

A myriad of factors contribute to these differences and for the purposes of this article, knowing them isn’t important. What is important is understanding, people are different and learners are individuals. Research by Gallup suggests when we work (and learn) within our strengths zone, we’re more effective. People become more productive because their individualised needs and motivations are met. Even though we all have the capacity to process ideas through visual, auditory and kinesetic learning practices (and to be effective should employ all three) we have different talents. These talents have different ways of reaching an outcome.

For example, Mary is a student with high Relator talents. She is energised by deep, close relationships. She studies best in small groups where she can share her thoughts with friends. On the other hand, Jane has high Achiever talents. Her motivation comes from getting the job done. She would rather work alone. If forced to work in a group, Mary tends to do most of the task herself because she thinks the others aren’t keeping up or working as hard. Bill is high in the Competition talent. He thrives during tasks that match one student against another. He compares his results to someone else’s and needs to get the highest rank. If Bill thinks there’s little chance of victory, he doesn’t try very hard. To him it’s better ‘not playing’ than coming second. John is high in Context talents. He needs to understand the backstory. John thinks about how he managed similar tasks in the past and uses that memory to complete a current project. John’s actions seem slow to the teacher My Brown who has the Activator talent. Mr Brown wants students to get started straight away on the work he’s set.

Although this is a somewhat simplistic view – I’ve only highlighted single talents and in reality, people thrive when all of their top five talents are engaged, these examples show how individual students have different learning behaviours. Of course, the value of deep practice, curiosity, relevance, collaboration and making connections is the same for all learners. However how they approach these aspects of learning varies according to the motivations, needs and triggers of their talents. It is this extra level of understanding that can help our children achieve more success in the classroom. They can learn how they learn best. 

Improve Learning Outcomes

So rather than worrying about learning styles, teachers, parents and students can improve learning outcomes by developing self awareness and understanding the triggers, needs and contributions of specific talents. Students improve their results when their talents are understood because they feel understood. This is a performance focused approach to positive psychology. It helps a student identify both their purpose for learning and their process for learning. They develop their own tools and strategies to become self directed learners. Students feel understood and accepted by peers, teachers and themselves.

Rather than trying to be something they’re not, they focus on the learning outcome – the required skills and knowledge. 

If you were interested in these ideas and would like to read something similar check out the article I contributed to recently; How To Help Kids Improve Their Grades

If you would like to know more about how to use your talents for higher performance or how a Talent-based Strengths approach can improve your teaching and learning, contact Nicole today. Nicole is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, a trained meditation teacher and Secondary School English teacher with more than 17 years classroom experience. She is based in Sydney and offers coaching and workshop packages specifically targeted at students, teachers and families.

m: 0425 209 008 e:nicole@isthismystory.com

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Note: The Talents mentioned in this article are trademarks of Gallup. However Gallup have not endorsed this article nor are they affiliated in any way with this site.  If you would like to learn more about your talents you can take the Clifton Strengths Finder Assessment (Adults), the CliftonStrengths Students (14 – 18) or StrengthsExplorer (10 – 14). The costs involved with taking the assessment are a transaction between yourself and Gallup and we receive no commission or gain. 

What Makes a Good Story Great?

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What do you remember from high school English? 

Maybe you were one of the people sitting at the back of the classroom questioning when you’d ever use any of this. However, somewhere between Romeo’s love for Juliet and Atticus reminding Scout to walk in another person’s shoes, you may have recognised how stories build connection. This is why stories are favoured in marketing. Stories sell. However beyond the hype, we can use stories to connect with ourself and share a sense of purpose. 

The Art of Storytelling 

You can master the basic aspects of a good story. Knowing your audience, understanding the context, offering a clear message that resonates with the audience and choosing an appropriate communication channel, is all that’s required. 

To create a great story you need to; 

  • know your audience
  • be clear about your message 
  • choose the best way to convey your ideas

Put a little more simply, your story will register with people when audience, context and purpose align. 

Great stories engage the reader because they involve the reader. They create a connection between the hero and the audience. Great stories absorb our attention and encourage us to participate in adventures and explorations we may never have the opportunity to experience (and may not want to) in real life.  

Are you willing to try writing your own story?

First, set aside any fears or doubts you may have been holding over from your school days. Ask yourself:

  • Who is my audience?
  • What is my purpose?
  • Where will I share the message?
  • Why have I answered these questions this way?

Remember a great story builds tension and creates connection Your story needs;

  • A great hero – a relatable character who is flawed yet lovable
  • A helper or guide – a character who offers support, wisdom or direction
  • A problem – a challenge the hero must overcome, something that stands in the way for where they are now and where the want to be.

Great stories take the audience on a journey from where they are now, to where they’d like to be. It is this movement along a plotted path that offers opportunity to play, laugh, cry, vent and ponder. This is where the magic of connection happens. 

A good storyteller understands the struggles their audience face. The narrator weaves language and events to create an emotional and cognitive connection. The storyteller engages with the audience’s deepest fears and forces a confrontation. But the narrator doesn’t leave their audience in pain. Instead, they offer solace, comfort and inspiration. 

Imagine writing the story of your life. How would you move through the challenge and find the reward? Who are the guides along your way?

The minute you share your story with another, it grows. Your story inspires other people’s stories. It’s as if a story can take on a life of its own. Your audience interprets the story through their funnels and filters. They flavor your words with their experiences. This is the magic of story. Stories connect us through creating new meaning. We share, we grow and we connect our purpose to the purpose of others. The more aligned our stories, the more connected our purpose. This connected sense of purpose builds a community.

 

If you would like to know more about creating engaging stories and the power of story in personal and professional development, join one of our Storyboarding circles. These online programs are conducted in small groups over a four week period. New sessions are starting this month. 

Sessions are 90 minutes in duration and the complete program are now only $120.00 (includes a Gallup Strengths Quest code and an e-manual). 

Is This MyStory provides the tools to feel better about yourself and your decisions. If you want to be heard, if you’re not achieving your goals, if you want more from life. Contact us today to book a free consultation.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

 

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When Mindfulness is Not Enough

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Mindfulness practice strengthens our ability to cope with life’s challenges. But what happens when you find yourself in the midst of an event or life changing situation that was beyond your control? 

Mindfulness exercises can help. We can bring attention to the breath, breathe from the tummy (rather than the chest), witness the physical sensations in the body and recognise the emotional and thought patterns associated with them. We can be deliberate, tune into self talk and breathe through the sensations.

But what if the voices keep coming back? How do you manage anxiety when in the grip of one of those cyclic self deprecating self talk storms. You know, those violent clashes between head and heart where you keep telling yourself ‘I should know better’, ‘I should have done it differently’, or ‘why is this happening to me’. You breathe, you sit in the discomfort and the ache is overwhelming. Your heart leaps from your chest in a desperate  attempt to escape the chamber holding it captive. Your skin crawls because it feels like a billion insects have taken residence beneath it.  Your mind is a swirling vortex where nothing seems safe. 

Breathe you say to yourself. Breathe from the tummy. Ride it out. 

But, even as the storm subsides, a dull ache remains. In the aftermath, the devastation is obvious. A new storm threatens as you realise all the work ahead just to pick yourself up and move through the day. 

What now?

This is where we need more than mindfulness. Mindfulness is a beginning. Used regularly it builds the mental fitness to keep us at the top of our game. It helps maintain a healthy heart mind connection. However, life can throw us extreme events. Life shattering, split the ground beneath your feet moments. Although mindfulness training can halt a complete breakdown, it may not be enough.

In these times, I have found solace in strengths and the techniques of narrative. I remind myself to ask, 

  • ‘Is this my story?’
  • “Is this what I want my story to be?’ 
  • ‘What do I need to write to move me through to the next phase of the narrative – to the resolution?’

Then I act. I personify my talents and create a plan for moving forward. The opportunity to be creative brings me a measure of peace. I journal. I write for an audience and I share my story. I look for it to be reflected back to me – I place it where it will be evaluated. I want to see what it looks like from the outside as an objective experience. Here is where I learn, grow and contribute.

However, the next step is harder still. I have to actually do what I have written. This is where the support of friends and family is a life line. A hug, a word of acceptance, recognition for an accomplishment. This is a time to  ask for help and be open to receiving it.

Living a mindful strengths based narrative is a choice. It offers a way forward. However it can not remain a mental activity. It requires active participation in life. 

Choose how to live again.

 

Nicole is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, Trained meditation teacher and Narrative Coach, based in Sydney. She helps people find their true path and connect to meaningful relationships. Talk to her today and learn how to unlock your innate talents. Develop the relaxation and mindfulness habits that allow you to manage your mind. If you’d like to know more about improving your communication skills and using your innate patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour, contact Nicole today. We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions.  

Call today to arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

 

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

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