Is This MyStory

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Significance – Why Are Some People Ashamed of Their Talents?

November 2, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

According to Gallup’s StrengthsFinder, people high in the Significance cluster of talents “want to be very important in others’ eyes. They are independent and want to be recognized.” Gallup Theme Descriptions 

When first introduced to the talent of Significance, many squirm uncomfortably. They think of a colleague, employee, boss or family member and shake their head in bemusement or reproof. Those who find the talent listed in their top 5, often shuffle a little lower in their seat or announce, ‘the test got it wrong’.

I’ve seen similar reactions to talents such as Command (in women), Empathy or Harmony (in men) and Competition (in both men and women).

Why do some talents engender such a negative response? Have we become so conditioned by society that we see something vital to our wellbeing as shameful?

My son has Significance in his top 5 (alongside Arranger, Includer, Adaptability and Harmony). When he first saw his talents he said; “but Mum, these are all the things I hate about myself”. It was an eye opening moment for both of us and lead to some deeply frank discussions. We explored self talk and the stories we’d been holding. We learnt about our preconceptions and misconceptions. He’d been weighed down by the impression there was something shameful about his most driving motivations. He’d shoved them down to a place they wouldn’t be noticed. Yet they played in the dark spaces of his mind sending out tendrils of anxiety and low self esteem. My son was denying the very things that made him strong – the aspects of himself that gave him a sense of worth. He was under using his Significance and it hurt. As mum, I realised I’d been carrying a balloon of positivity – all air and no substance. I’d only seen what was working in his life and had tried to remind him of his kindness and genuine care of others. I thought I was offering him what he needed when in actuality, I was adding to the problem. I didn’t see how he felt about what I was saying.

Talk about a penny dropping.

Looking back I see the conversation was a pivotal moment in our life. My son went from an anxious teenager to a confident young man in the space of 6 months. He owned his talents and it changed his life. Rather than accepting a preconception, he decided to take charge and be who he was born to be. In realising the power of his Significance talent (and what he could do with his Arranger, Includer, Harmony and Adaptability) he began to move the pieces of his life together and create a place for himself. In doing so he improved the life of others.

This is the strength of a talent such as Significance. It falls into Gallup’s leadership domain of Influence. Significance can be a gentle hand that inspires those around it to take action. It’s a talent that instinctively knows how to offer proactive feedback. Leaders with Significance know how to give their team the recognition they need most. A manager with Significance notices employee’s strengths and helps aim those talents where they’ll do most good. A teacher with Significance raises the profile of class and each student in it. A parent with Significance knows how to encourage their child’s effort and offer meaningful praise that inspires them forward. When a person offers significance, connection is built, positive emotion is exchanged and growth happens. As my son realised, Significance is a transformative strength to be proud of.

How often do people marginalise or trivialise a talent because the word itself is misunderstood? As a personal quality, significance is vital. In fact it has been recognised as a core need. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Esteem is near the top of the triangle. Put simply, we need to know what we do has value and is recognised. Feeling as though your contribution is significant and brings value to the group, fuels a sense of belonging and connection.

People high in Significance offer a vital component of a person’s overall sense of happiness and well being. A person who is high in Significance talents is motivated by the need to give. Yet so often this need is misinterpreted as a desire to be seen. However, being seen as important is not the intention, rather it is a gauge. It signals the usefulness of what was given and inspires connection, growth and further contributions.

Although I’ve concentrated on the talent of Significance, I could have equally written about any of Gallup’s 34 talents. Each one has a barrier label or negative preconception that must be overcome before a person can truely own their talents. Complicating this challenge is a tendency to merge preconceived ideas about a word with the talent’s name – the difference between the act of empathy and the talent of Empathy is one that often causes confusion. However, a deliberate, intentional exploration of self talk and stories can change these misconceptions and improve lives.

Just ask my son.

 

If you have Significance in your top 5 and want to learn how to love it, get in touch. If you’re struggling to accept your talents Nicole offers 1:1 coaching that’ll help you find peace in what you do best. She uses her core talents of Strategic, Connectedness, Learner, Intellection and Input to help people recognise the thoughts and emotions holding them back. As a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, Nicole has the experience and expertise to help you find and develop your strengths. Be more effective in communication, have positive relationships and feel confident in your purpose. Contact Nicole today for a free, ‘Connect to my path’ coaching consultation. 

We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

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Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Gallup's Strengths Finder Significance, Significance Gallup, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast

To the Class of 2017

September 18, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

It is that time of year for Year 12. Trial exams are over, classes have finished and a groundswell of excitement builds. Only a few short hours stand between you and a life beyond school walls. Of course, excitement is tainted with a hefty dose of apprehension. The spectre of final exams reaches gnarly fingers to inspire awe and angst. It wars with a nostalgic need to remember.

These lingering memories are important. They will sustain you through the tumultuous weeks of revision. Of course the objective is to remember the countless hours given in class and at home, devouring text books, discussing ideas and writing a plethora of hand aching notes. However, in these last few days, knowledge and skills are not the memories of solace. Rather, the memories to be squirreled away are those of friendship. Teachers, coaches, mentors and friends will hold a special place.  

I once heard it said that people who claimed their ‘best years of life were at school’ had wasted their dreams. I’m not so sure. I still believe that some of my best times were in the dying days of school. It was then that petty jealousy and competition was abandoned. As a collective force we realised we were about to face one of our biggest challenges thus far. It was an uncertain future.

Many of us didn’t know what we wanted. Even if we did, we weren’t sure we’d get it. But we knew we faced it together, a united cohort filled with faces we’d seen almost every day for the past six, sometimes even 12 years (and remember, at age 17, that accounted for one or two thirds of our entire lives). So, in those last days of school we sought and traded memories; memories of that party, this excursion and those sports events. We wrote in each other’s year books, on shirts and on tunics. We wrote as though each classmate was a close friend and we meant it! 

To the class of 2017, I wish a sensational set of days. Support each other, keep your dreams firmly in sight, devote time to study, allocate moments to reflect and retain a determined attitude. Be creative and courageous, enjoy the study period and experience a rewarding HSC.  

 

 

Is This MyStory provides the tools to feel better about yourself and your decisions. Nicole is a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, qualified meditation teacher and experienced secondary school teacher. She helps teenagers use their strengths, manage their mind and feel good about themselves. If you’d to know more contact Nicole today. We can arrange face to face consultations in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. Contact us today to book a free consultation.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

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Filed Under: Blog, Learning Tagged With: Class of 2017, end of school

Learning Styles a Myth – Learn From Your Talents

July 28, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

Learning styles may be a myth, but in my experience, people have preferred ways of processing information. As parents and teachers it is helpful to understand these patterns so we can support the learning process. 

Think about your own experience

Are you the sort of person who likes to journal and write down your thoughts or do you need to hear them aloud before they make sense?

Some people enjoy writing, it allows them to reflect deeply, ponder slowly and tease out ideas. On the page, thoughts become tangible. However, other people prefer talking, it allows them to listen to their ideas, see the reactions of people around them and take action. In this way, thoughts become corporeal.  A third group prefer to draw ideas, they create sketch notes and build thoughts into concrete manifestations. 

What causes these differences? 

A myriad of factors contribute to these differences and for the purposes of this article, knowing them isn’t important. What is important is understanding, people are different and learners are individuals. Research by Gallup suggests when we work (and learn) within our strengths zone, we’re more effective. People become more productive because their individualised needs and motivations are met. Even though we all have the capacity to process ideas through visual, auditory and kinesetic learning practices (and to be effective should employ all three) we have different talents. These talents have different ways of reaching an outcome.

For example, Mary is a student with high Relator talents. She is energised by deep, close relationships. She studies best in small groups where she can share her thoughts with friends. On the other hand, Jane has high Achiever talents. Her motivation comes from getting the job done. She would rather work alone. If forced to work in a group, Mary tends to do most of the task herself because she thinks the others aren’t keeping up or working as hard. Bill is high in the Competition talent. He thrives during tasks that match one student against another. He compares his results to someone else’s and needs to get the highest rank. If Bill thinks there’s little chance of victory, he doesn’t try very hard. To him it’s better ‘not playing’ than coming second. John is high in Context talents. He needs to understand the backstory. John thinks about how he managed similar tasks in the past and uses that memory to complete a current project. John’s actions seem slow to the teacher My Brown who has the Activator talent. Mr Brown wants students to get started straight away on the work he’s set.

Although this is a somewhat simplistic view – I’ve only highlighted single talents and in reality, people thrive when all of their top five talents are engaged, these examples show how individual students have different learning behaviours. Of course, the value of deep practice, curiosity, relevance, collaboration and making connections is the same for all learners. However how they approach these aspects of learning varies according to the motivations, needs and triggers of their talents. It is this extra level of understanding that can help our children achieve more success in the classroom. They can learn how they learn best. 

Improve Learning Outcomes

So rather than worrying about learning styles, teachers, parents and students can improve learning outcomes by developing self awareness and understanding the triggers, needs and contributions of specific talents. Students improve their results when their talents are understood because they feel understood. This is a performance focused approach to positive psychology. It helps a student identify both their purpose for learning and their process for learning. They develop their own tools and strategies to become self directed learners. Students feel understood and accepted by peers, teachers and themselves.

Rather than trying to be something they’re not, they focus on the learning outcome – the required skills and knowledge. 

If you were interested in these ideas and would like to read something similar check out the article I contributed to recently; How To Help Kids Improve Their Grades

If you would like to know more about how to use your talents for higher performance or how a Talent-based Strengths approach can improve your teaching and learning, contact Nicole today. Nicole is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, a trained meditation teacher and Secondary School English teacher with more than 17 years classroom experience. She is based in Sydney and offers coaching and workshop packages specifically targeted at students, teachers and families.

m: 0425 209 008 e:nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome To a World of Expression

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Note: The Talents mentioned in this article are trademarks of Gallup. However Gallup have not endorsed this article nor are they affiliated in any way with this site.  If you would like to learn more about your talents you can take the Clifton Strengths Finder Assessment (Adults), the CliftonStrengths Students (14 – 18) or StrengthsExplorer (10 – 14). The costs involved with taking the assessment are a transaction between yourself and Gallup and we receive no commission or gain. 

Filed Under: Blog, Learning, Strengths Coaching, Student Engagement, Teaching Tagged With: Coaching for teachers Sydney, Coaching for Teenagers Sydney, Learning Styles a Myth, Strengths in the classroom

What Makes a Good Story Great?

June 5, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

What do you remember from high school English? 

Maybe you were one of the people sitting at the back of the classroom questioning when you’d ever use any of this. However, somewhere between Romeo’s love for Juliet and Atticus reminding Scout to walk in another person’s shoes, you may have recognised how stories build connection. This is why stories are favoured in marketing. Stories sell. However beyond the hype, we can use stories to connect with ourself and share a sense of purpose. 

The Art of Storytelling 

You can master the basic aspects of a good story. Knowing your audience, understanding the context, offering a clear message that resonates with the audience and choosing an appropriate communication channel, is all that’s required. 

To create a great story you need to; 

  • know your audience
  • be clear about your message 
  • choose the best way to convey your ideas

Put a little more simply, your story will register with people when audience, context and purpose align. 

Great stories engage the reader because they involve the reader. They create a connection between the hero and the audience. Great stories absorb our attention and encourage us to participate in adventures and explorations we may never have the opportunity to experience (and may not want to) in real life.  

Are you willing to try writing your own story?

First, set aside any fears or doubts you may have been holding over from your school days. Ask yourself:

  • Who is my audience?
  • What is my purpose?
  • Where will I share the message?
  • Why have I answered these questions this way?

Remember a great story builds tension and creates connection Your story needs;

  • A great hero – a relatable character who is flawed yet lovable
  • A helper or guide – a character who offers support, wisdom or direction
  • A problem – a challenge the hero must overcome, something that stands in the way for where they are now and where the want to be.

Great stories take the audience on a journey from where they are now, to where they’d like to be. It is this movement along a plotted path that offers opportunity to play, laugh, cry, vent and ponder. This is where the magic of connection happens. 

A good storyteller understands the struggles their audience face. The narrator weaves language and events to create an emotional and cognitive connection. The storyteller engages with the audience’s deepest fears and forces a confrontation. But the narrator doesn’t leave their audience in pain. Instead, they offer solace, comfort and inspiration. 

Imagine writing the story of your life. How would you move through the challenge and find the reward? Who are the guides along your way?

The minute you share your story with another, it grows. Your story inspires other people’s stories. It’s as if a story can take on a life of its own. Your audience interprets the story through their funnels and filters. They flavor your words with their experiences. This is the magic of story. Stories connect us through creating new meaning. We share, we grow and we connect our purpose to the purpose of others. The more aligned our stories, the more connected our purpose. This connected sense of purpose builds a community.

 

If you would like to know more about creating engaging stories and the power of story in personal and professional development, join one of our Storyboarding circles. These online programs are conducted in small groups over a four week period. New sessions are starting this month. 

Sessions are 90 minutes in duration and the complete program are now only $120.00 (includes a Gallup Strengths Quest code and an e-manual). 

Is This MyStory provides the tools to feel better about yourself and your decisions. If you want to be heard, if you’re not achieving your goals, if you want more from life. Contact us today to book a free consultation.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Powerful stories Tagged With: engaging stories, good storyteller, great stories, What makes a good story great

How to Increase Student Engagement

February 20, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

Teachers are busy. They are busy building learning opportunities for students. Teachers plan, execute and reflect. They want to create engaging environments where students learn. It doesn’t always work. A recent report published by the Grattan Institute, suggests up to 40% of school students in Australia may be unproductive in any given year.

Unproductive behaviours such as idle chatter, avoiding work and being inattentive in class are signs of a disengaged student and these behaviours are costing our kids their education. However many aren’t even aware of the price they’re paying. All a disengaged child sees is a boring class that’s too easy, too difficult or not relevant and they’d rather be somewhere else. 

It can be different

Students are busy. They’re busy growing. Children are learning who they are, where they belong and which of their contributions are valued. Along the way, they’re also gathering content knowledge and skills. Subjects such as English and History may seem irrelevant to a student focused on a degree in Biochemistry. Yet these subjects offer communication and thinking skills to study the behaviour of cells and nature of matter. Similarly, Physics and Economics may seem immaterial to a student focused on becoming a pro athlete, musician or master builder. However these subjects offer principles and processes to recognise patterns and plan for the future. 

The key is perspective

Teachers and students can get busy building mindful connections. I’m using the word busy deliberately. Often when reading an article about how to increase student engagement we feel the weight of yet another ‘thing to do’ burden. Teacher’s wonder what else will be lumped on their plate. 

  • What can I do in my already busy day. 
  • How will I find the time for more work? 
  • Where can I find time to learn another new practice to boost my students’ engagement?

I hear you

Time is a precious commodity. We need to be mindful of how we spend it. This applies to both teacher and student. Generally, we’re happier when we’re devoting time to something we find valuable. If we’re mindful, we’re more likely to use time wisely because we’re aware of what we’re doing. The act of being mindful takes no extra time. It is simply a different way of being aware. Right now, I’m suggesting we can be mindful of internal motivations and use this information to BE engaged. 

Think about this for a moment. Teachers and students can be mindful of their perspectives and in doing so carve time into busy schedules. The ideas I’m about to share take no extra time, they simply ask you to consider a different perspective.

What does Engagement look like?

Students are more engaged when 

  •  Learning is meaningful – students see how the learning is relevant to themselves and their lives
  • Learning is achievable – students believe they can successfully complete a task or understand a concept
  • Learning is autonomous and supported – students feel as though they have choice and a measure of control over their learning while also knowing help is available.
  • Learning is collaborative – students feel as though they are connected to ideas and people beyond themselves. They see their work has value and is valued.
  • Learning leads to mastery – students recognise learning means more than a grade on page. They see the progression of their learning and opportunities that result from that progression.

Gallup have a student poll that measures these areas. They ask key questions to determine the extent to which a student feels their needs are met. These questions focus on value, safety and recognition. For example;

  1. I have a best friend at school
  2. I feel safe at school
  3. I have an opportunity to do what I do best each day
  4. I have at least one teacher who excites me about my future

If you look at the relationship between these questions and the factors required for student engagement it becomes obvious, the more a student can answer yes to questions like these, the more likely they are to feel engaged. 

Time for a Mindful Strengths-Based approach

Now I’ve reached the crux of this post. We can use mindful practice to increase student engagement without adding any extra time burdens. Teachers can be mindfully aware of their talents and the talents of their students. Student can be mindfully aware of their talents and the talents of their classmates (and teachers). In this deliberate understanding, connections are made. Teachers know what each student needs and contributes. Students know what they need and contribute. An emphasis on recognising needs and contributions provides an environment where each person feels safe, understood and valued. This is an environment where learning thrives. When you know what you and others need, it is easier to recognise the relevance in learning because you feel valued, give value and see how collaborative relationships contribute to life. Collaborative learning is possible because everyone is using a shared vocabulary that fosters recognition of talent. Each person knows the value they bring to a project and talents are shared for group success. Students have autonomy in their learning because everyone realises there are different ways to reach the same successful outcome. 

The Key is Strengths, The Practice is Mindfulness, The Process is a Story

Mindfulness practice helps a person recognise the links between their thoughts, emotions and behaviours. This recognition helps them develop talents into strengths that can be consistently, productively and successful applied. Experiences of success, build stories of success and as these stories are shared, connections are made. When a school adopts a mindful, strengths-based narrative, they put in place a system where each student and teacher can be part of the creation of a wider experience library. This gives a sense of belonging and ownership. Students and teachers feel part of a community and this creates a space for engagement. 

A useful start is Gallup’s StrengthsQuest. This is an online assessment administered by Gallup that helps teachers and students identify their core talents. The next step is to learn how to mindfully apply those talents in teaching and learning. There are many helpful resources on the StrengthsQuest page  however, if you would like a personalised approach that addresses your specific needs you may like to speak with a qualified coach and trainer. I’d love to be of service.

If you would like to implement a mindful strengths-based narrative in your classroom or school, contact Nicole to learn how. She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, Trained Meditation and Mindfulness teacher and has more than 17 years classroom experience as a Secondary School English Teacher. Nicole offers 1:1 coaching, group workshops and interactive seminar presentations. She can tailor a package to meet the specific needs of you and your school. Contact Nicole today;

e: nicole@isthismystory.com  m: 0425 209 008

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Learning, Teaching Tagged With: create engaging learning environments, How to increase student engagement, mindful strengths based narrative

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