Is This MyStory

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Are 2Day FM Presenters Schoolyard Bully’s?

December 8, 2012 By Nicole Feledy

This morning I cried. I wept for the nurse who died. Jacintha Saldanha was the victim of a prank call; her death was reported as suspected suicide. After the swell of grief came the waves of anger. I am not the only person writing about this today, I hope my voice will join with millions of others to say No! No, prank calls are not harmless fun. No, they are not amusing. No, radio stations should not promote them. And NO, NO, NO, prank callers cannot justify their humiliating antics by saying they are entertaining. Let’s just call them what they are, prank calls are a bullying behaviour.

 Imagine for a moment this tragedy being played out in the playground. What would be reported? How would parents, teachers and students react? The immediate response of other DJs (the peers) was to applaud the stunt. They even congratulated Mel Grig & Michael Christian for being hilariously funny and clever in their deceit.

Again, imagine this occurring in a school yard.  Can you see why it may be difficult for teenagers to learn the difference between compassionate behaviour and cruel trickery? What hope have our children got when the people they listen to on the radio deliberately embarrass and harass a fellow human being, simply to improve their own social status? Of course Grig and Christian did not intend the tragic consequences However, they did intend to lie, cheat and profit from embarrassing hospital staff. Why? Perhaps they thought it would be funny and wanted to see if they could get away with it. Maybe, Grig and Christian wanted to match their wit against another’s because they thought their audience would be amused. Sound familiar? Is this the message we want our kids to hear?  Why are prank calls legitimised in the name of entertainment?

I have always greeted the radio prank call with disdain. I turn the dial and let music from another station soothe away the anger words such as ‘prank call’ inspire. Now before you go questioning my sense of humour, ask yourself this;

“Would you find it acceptable if teenagers made prank calls?”

If you answered, “it depends on who they call and what they say”, ask yourself a second question;

“Who decides who can be deceived and what degree of humiliation is acceptable?”

While your thinking, consider this; “how much suffering does a victim have to go through, and who measures it” – because it seems to me, asking a victim or their family about degree of pain, after they have already experienced it, is too little too late.

Finally, a more pertinent question relating to teenagers who are still forming values and preparing to live in a cohesive society;

“How can our children learn limits when pranking is seen as acceptable on radio and TV?”

Yes, there is public outcry when a stunt goes too far, but that happens after the fact, when the damage has been done. If adults in the public eye model poor judgement, what hope have teenagers got?

Perhaps you would like to imagine another scenario, one where a student hides a classmate’s pencil case (containing a mobile phone, USB and other treasures). The student hiding the pencil case claims ‘it is all in good fun’. But who decided it was ‘funny’? What about the victim? What message does it convey to them? The perpetrator has the group beside them. They pick a victim to humiliate and the group laughs. But what happens to the owner of the pencil case? They are singled out; separated. They are not ‘in’ on the joke (which in itself can be soul destroying). Added to the disconnection,  are the feelings of anguish they are forced to endure. If the victim becomes angry or upset, the group, led by the perpetrator, derides them for not ‘taking a joke’. The victim withdraws, often vowing to regain power by playing the same prank upon another. This is bullying at its most insidious and, as The Big Bang Theory, The Spekerman Recurrence (season 5 episode 11) highlights, often the person doing the bullying is not aware they are a bully. The bully simply believes they have committed a harmless prank. Why, because pranking is often legitimised in our culture.

Clearly some members of the community believe deliberately causing emotional pain, sending out cruel taunts thinly veiled as innocent questions, is hilarious. However, if we are serious about helping our kids and preventing bullying, we must stop condoning this type of behaviour. What message are prank calling DJ’s sharing; are they saying it is ok to play a joke on someone? Is it ok to deceive, humiliate and shame, simply so ‘friends’ may laugh? It is little wonder our kids are confused.

Is This MyStory and MyQuest teach critical, emotional and creative literacy. We help teenagers identify  the harm caused by deceitful behaviour. We believe our students can become critical thinkers who possess the courage and compassion to turn the dial and shout out against bully behaviours. Please join us, and say NO to prank calls.

Welcome to a World of Expression

As you may have guessed I am passionate in my desire to address this problem. My book, Is This MyStory includes a short story which explores the damage caused by prank calls. You can read the extract here.

Remember support is available for anyone who may be distressed this issue. Lifeline 13 11 14,  Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.

Filed Under: Blog, Self Esteem Tagged With: Jacintha Saldanha, Mel Grig, Michael Chistian, prank calls linked to bullying

Lost; A Sense of Community

November 4, 2012 By Nicole Feledy

Have we lost our sense of community? Did it ever really exist?

Perhaps I need to give this statement some context, earlier this week I read a news article and was dismayed by the actions of banks, liquidators and lawyers. In the same paper was an article about a group of real estate agents, developers and a lending institution who weaved a web to trap unsuspecting investors.  Today I read about students behaving badly at a Sydney University College.

I wonder if there is a macabre connection; will the students who found it acceptable to intimidate and bully their fellow dorm-mates today become the financiers, and business executives who intimidate and bully their fellow workers tomorrow. Where does it start and importantly, when does it stop.

These articles are painful to read. I keep thinking about the unnecessary hardship and shattered lives that result from one person (or company) taking advantage over another. Where is the love? Where is the sense of personal and social responsibility? We are not playing a game, yet it seems the spirit of competition and winning at all costs offers some sort of acceptability to the exploitation of the weak or unwary. When did it become acceptable to leap on top of the person in front of you, to use their frame to catapult yours. When did become reasonable to crush the person beneath you because all that matters is being on top and fulfilling your responsibilities. When did it become common to ‘blame the victim’, claiming it was their fault for standing still; after all, if they had been quick enough, or strong enough, they could have moved out of the way – or else, jumped on you.

In a somewhat paradoxical twist, I am also reading Game of Thrones; a reality fantasy of feudal realms. Many of these chapters are also difficult to read; they explore the worst traits of humanity then juxtapose them with innocence and compassion. It makes for compelling drama, drawing the reader into the machinations of political intrigue and a quest for power. Ironically each contentious king (and Queen) believes their cause is just – I wonder if these are the thoughts that haunt the dreams of modern day usurpers.

You may question why I am writing about this. To answer,  I would like to share a brief story. Earlier this year while exploring the issue of racism within the novel To Kill A Mockingbird I asked my class, “what would you do if one of your mates tripped over in front of you.”

“Laugh” they responded.

Slightly perturbed I asked, “then what would you do, would you offer help”.

The response was shocking. “No”.

I realised these students were stuck in a ‘character trap’, forced to play the role they believed they were expected to play – and compassionate behaviour was not part of the story. This is where I believe we, as a society, let our kids down . We need to support young people. We need to help teenagers feel as though they are part of a community and we need to help them develop a clear sense of who they are. Perhaps then they could build enough self confidence to stand on their own feet, rather than needing to knock someone else.

What can you do to help?

Welcome to a World of Expression

Filed Under: Blog, Self Esteem Tagged With: lost sense of community, personal and social responsibility, stuck in a character trap, Where is the love

Boys Behaving Badly; a Symptom of a Failing Education System

July 29, 2012 By Nicole Feledy

William Golding’s novel, The Lord of the Flies is a classic piece of literature that opens the door to profound discussion.  When introducing this novel to a class, I usually direct their attention toward current social practices and ask; Is a person born evil or is evil a learnt behaviour. In a scary twist of fate, each time I teach the novel, the media delivers a story about boys behaving badly. Last year it was the London riots. This year the story was closer to home. This year the papers shared the heart wrenching story of Thomas Kelly and Kieran Loveridge.

 It is not my intention to discuss the question of innate or learnt evilness here. Nor is this a comparison between the writings of Golding and modern society (although a post comparing Loveridge and the character of Jack begs to be written). Rather, I would like to explore comments made recently in the Sydney Morning Herald.

An article entitled, ‘Sydney’s Newest Sport – Beat Someone Senseless or Kill them for the Heck of It ‘ (chilling in itself) appeared in the SMH on pg 13 (interesting structural choice) on the 28/7/2012. In this article, Sydney’s Father Riley (founder of Youth Off  The Streets) was quoted as saying “I wish I’d gotten to this kid [Loveridge] sooner. All kids want is a connection. When you connect a kid you can turn them around”. In the same space, youth psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg speaks of seeing an increasing number of angry adolescent males. Carr-Gregg creates a picture of a youth who is “beset with rigid, inflexible thinking, has no respect for authority, little exposure to tradition or ritual and has few, if any skills in anger management.”

To my way of thinking, these comments reflect a failure in our schools. Father Riley and Carr-Gregg highlight the problems besetting an education system which is too rigid, too inflexible and too slow to offer meaningful change. The institution of education is reactive rather than adaptive. Instead of being proactive, it offers band aid solutions – medicine to treat the disease, rather than lifestyle innovations to prevent it from occurring.

I find people such as Father Riley and Carr-Gregg inspirational. They are actively working towards improving the lives of teenagers in a practical sense. Even though individuals such as Father Riley and Carr-Gregg only reach the students they connect with, their ideas can, by proxy, reach many more. This is where teachers and schools may make a difference.

As a teacher, forged in the kiln of the classroom, I and many others who share a similar vision want to enact change. But we need those who  form policies, to listen. Rather than being bogged down by consumerist debates regarding funding, class sizes, facilities and who has power in a school (yes of course these are important topics, but they are not the places to find  preventive solutions to mindset problems) we need to change what and how kids are taught. Teachers need to be mentors who are connected to their students. To achieve this level of connectiveness, teachers need to be intuitive, empathic and alert. They need the space to be creative and the time to develop their own sense of well being, so that they may support their students. Students require this support in order to develop a sense of identity and, so that they may experience a sense of security within a community.

Of course, it is not enough to talk about developing student’s self esteem and personal responsibility. Action needs to be taken. I believe the key is creative, critical literacy. Being able to wield the skills of creative, critical literacy opens the door to a World of Expression. When a person believes their voice will be heard, they are more likely to feel secure in their identity.

How does a person uncover this key? By actively making a choice to travel the learning path. When a person perceives learning as FUN (functional, universal and necessary) they are more likely to accept learning as a valuable lifelong process. If a person identifies themselves as a Learner, they have access to tools which can help them LEAF through life’s pages. In other words they can draw upon the skills required live life in a loving, enthusiastic, aware and flexible manner.

You may be wondering how a person can develop this mindset for learning. I believe a person develops a learning mindset when they feel as though their learning is relevant. Learners learn best when they are supported and connected. In other words, when they feel centred and balanced. This is why I believe practices such as meditation and mindfulness should be core components in school curriculums. We should be teaching young people how to connect with themselves so that they may appreciate outer connections to community.

This is what I plan to do. I am determined to create a learning environment which offers young adults a place to learn about themselves and their place within a wider eco/social system; a mindfully, creative meditative way of living

Perhaps, if Loveridge had a different school experience, an experience that met him where he was and walked beside him as he developed a secure sense of self awareness and community connectivity, he may have found different ways to feel as though he mattered.

What do you think? Can schools become a place of learning rather than an institution of education?

Welcome to a World of Expression.

Filed Under: Blog, Self Esteem, Teaching Tagged With: Boys Behaving Badly, is a person born evil

Learning, Stories and Mindset

July 8, 2012 By Nicole Feledy

It felt like hitting the jackpot. Nestled within the pages of Saturday’s paper were two glittering gems; an article about the positive impact of sports psychology and an article about the positive impact of stories.

 

  Bang, pop, sparkle!

  There they were.

  The theories underpinning my work; learning, stories and mindset, closely       allied. 

 

 Now I know these ideas are well documented and that they’ve been supported by vast tomes of  research. I also know they’ve been mentioned in popular media before, but to find them side by side in the Sydney Morning Herald seemed a powerful portent. Then, as to confirm intuition, a friend’s facebook post gave further reason to smile – an image of a young girl carrying a poster saying “Children need to be taught how to think, not what to think”.

My heart cart wheeled with childlike exuberance. 

Is This MyStory was validated in triplicate today.

Perhaps I should take a couple of steps back to explain. My book, Is This MyStory gathers these three concepts; learning to learn, gaining greater awareness through narrative and using strategies for targeted mindfulness, then bundles them together in a practical framework. Quite literally, I believe we can develop empathy and self awareness through the mindful appreciation of stories.

An aware state of mind allows us to simultaneously drift into those ah ha moments while still being actively, in the present. This I believe, is one of the greatest gifts of meditation. Meditation provides the mind training and intellectual space to really listen, feel and see. Or, to phrase it in a more personal  way, meditation helped me separate the voice of intuition from the chatter of self talk. 

Is This MyStory aims to promote creative and critical literacy. It helps young people develop their own voice. I believe when young people feel as though they have a voice, and are encouraged to use it, they begin to understand learning is a personal journey undertaken for its intrinsic value. Or to put it simply, young people learn it is their choice to learn. To date, my research has been based on what I have read and what I have observed in the classroom. I have not established control groups nor codified data. However, those who have spent time in more formal research pursuits confirm what my reality shows – learning, stories and mindset are closely allied.

So, to circle back to the beginning – this synchronistic appearance of two articles and a photo may suggest that society will soon (if not already) recognise why learning institutions need to change.

Schools need to offer students the opportunity to learn how to relax, how to show empathy, how to be flexible and how to develop creative problem solving skills. Some of the strategies we can use to achieve this are mindfulness, meditation and storytelling.

 

Welcome to a World of Expression.  

 

P.S If you are interested, these are the articles I was refering to;

1) ‘All Psyched Up’ , Amanda Hooton, The Good Weekend, SMH 7/7/2012 

2) ‘Character Building’, Megan Johnston, Spectrum, SMH 7/7/2012

 

Filed Under: Blog, Reading, Self Esteem Tagged With: learning stories and mindset

Romeo, Juliet and the Blame Game

May 20, 2012 By Nicole Feledy

Do you accept responsibility for your actions, or do you play the blame game? When things go wrong, as a result of your choices, do you accept accountability or do you blame someone else?

At this point, with year 10 classes in mind, I would like to take a short detour into the world of Romeo and Juliet. Students may recognise my favourite quote, a line delivered by Friar Lawrence,

‘Within the infant rind of this weak flower / poison hath residence and medicine power”

In other words, a situation has the potential to be helpful or unhelpful depending on the choices made. Those who know the play may remember, these lines of dialogue foreshadow the priest’s involvement in the tragic ending of the play. In the final Act, Friar Lawrence accepts responsibility for his actions. He admits he married the couple in secret. He admits he gave Juliet a sleeping potion (so she could avoid marriage to Paris). He admits he failed in his efforts to contact Romeo (so Romeo did not know Juliet was in a death-like sleep). Nevertheless, audiences (and the Prince) accept Friar Lawrence’s actions were motivated by peace and love. However, even though his intentions were pure, the outcomes were not as he intended. The waring families may have buried their hate, unfortunately the cost was higher than Friar Lawrence, Romeo or Juliet ever imagined.

You may be wondering how this reference to literature relates you.

The answer to this question is best found within your Self. What message about choice, consequence and responsibility will you take from this example?

Do you recognise the times where, even though your intentions were good and you planned a particular outcome, circumstances delivered a different result? Importantly, at these times, are you willing to accept responsibility for your actions?

Filed Under: Blog, Learning, Self Esteem Tagged With: accept responsibility, blame game, choice and consequence, Romeo and Juliet

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