Is This MyStory

Be the author of your own life

Choose to Be The Author of Your Life

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Home
  • About
  • Coaching
    • Strengths Coaching
    • Relationship Coaching
    • Coaching for Students
    • Coaching For Teachers – Strengthening Teacher’s Professional Practice and Wellbeing 
  • Workshops
    • Live Online Course – Practical use of Story in Personal & Professional Development
    • Training & Workshops
    • Strengths Workshop for Teachers
  • Education
    • Coaching For Teachers – Strengthening Teacher’s Professional Practice and Wellbeing 
    • Interactive Seminar – Introduction to Strengths in the Classroom
    • Strengths Workshop for Teachers
  • Corporate
  • Blog
  • Products
  • Links
  • FAQ
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact Us

How People Think

December 29, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Have you ever contemplated how people think? Can we ever really know how  people think? I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, jumped into the shower and while the water relaxed and cleansed, my mind drifted. I enjoyed the book, although not as much as the reviews had me believe I should. Larsson has been described as offering an “original heroine”, and a “gripping plot”. I confess, crime fiction is not my usual choice so my credentials when it comes to judging the literary merit of the novel are somewhat dubious. However I was interested in why the Millennium series was so popular – and yes I do intend to read the other two books before forming an opinion. Nevertheless, initial musings suggested to me that readers are either drawn to the investigative or problem solving aspects of the prose, or they are compelled by a desire to understand the characters and their relationships.

Personally, I was not really intrigued by the mystery that is Lisbeth Salander or the search for the missing Harriet Vanger. Or, perhaps what I should say is that I did not recognise a thrilling plot, nor an overly unique heroine. Yet since that is what reviews led me to expect, I wondered what it was that I was missing? But then as I considered the character of Lisbeth Salander an interesting thought formed from the swirling mass of electronic impulses – can we ever really know how another person thinks or how they actually process the information presented to them to form an opinion?

Of course we can study the brain and its functions and we can interview, counsel and examine people’s reactions to various stimuli. We can listen to or read their opinions, beliefs and hear their explanation of their thought process. We can watch or have described to us, their emotional responses. However at all times, we are processing the information through our own set of filters, through our own understandings and, we are probably taking the internal workings of our brain for granted. After all, it is all we have every really known.

Yes we can be empathetic and ‘imagine’ how another person may be feeling or what they may be thinking and we can even hypothesise why they feel or think that way. Yet, we will still be computing the information using our own operating systems and we have no way (at least to my knowledge) of really knowing how truly compatible our systems are. Yes of course we can gauge similarities and determine harmonious or discordant patterns. In most cases we use this information to determine friend or foe. But, do we ever really, truly share the exact same thinking methodology? I think not, and, while that explains why personal relationships suffer from miss-communication it is also what adds flavour and excitement to them.

I believe the key is to accept that we each use our own unique operating systems that while comparable with others of our species, are not truly compatible (much like a PC and a Mac). When we acknowledge that our thought processes are unique we are more likely to understand that others naturally have their own unique thoughts and as such are as entitled to their ideas as we are. As a result we can begin to appreciate the voice of the philosopher Rumi who offered the idea, “out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing is a field, I will meet you there”.

 However, in light of some of the disturbing thought process exhibited by the certain characters in Larsson’s story I do feel compelled to point out that just because we can acknowledge the right of the individual to think their own thoughts, this does not necessarily mean we can draw a direct parallel to the actions of individuals. This is where the waters become murky as some are tempted to use the ‘rights of the individual’ theories as justification for dubious or even downright heinous activities. It is here that the notion of ‘values’ or ‘ethics’ becomes essential downloadable ‘shareware’. In other words, in order for individuals to live within a system (or society) there must exist a series of shared, acceptable, behavioural patterns that recognise an individual’s accountability for their actions and the responsibility to not impinge upon the emotional, intellectual or physical safety of others.

Stories such as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo offer readers insight into the thought processes and motivations of individuals on the fringes of society, outside it, at the top and bottom of it, while also sharing the actions and thoughts of the psychopath. Perhaps this is where its popularity lies. The intriguing aspect for me, is the recognition of just how differently we think. In fact, I wonder, as you read this, what you will focus on and what message you will take away?  How close will it be to the ideas I intended to convey?

Enhanced by Zemanta

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: is this my story, My Story, mystory, nicole feledy

A note on teaching and learning

October 24, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Just because someone knows how to do a task, does not mean they will be able to teach that task to another. A teacher can more effectively teach if they set aside their own ego and step inside the skin of the learner. In other words, teachers should ‘get down on the floor’ and start from the point their student is at, rather than standing ‘on high’ and expecting a student to understand a basket of unintelligible jargon.

A teacher who is able to deconstruct a particular skill into a sequence of component parts and scaffold or model each step while allowing the learner time to practice for themselves, is more likely to share the secret to developing that skill.

A teacher who actively listens and takes responsibility for the communication process is a teacher who offers hope rather than frustration.

Check out the youtube clip below from the musical Mary Poppins. It is interesting in its portrayal of the differing expectations of child and parent. Although it considers the role of a Nanny, we can use it as a starting point for a discussion on what students want from their teachers.

If you were writing an advertisement for a new teacher, what qualities would you be looking for?

While you are thinking about this, reflect on your own ability to share the secrets of a particular skill with another. Do you ‘show’ or ‘teach’ – do you know the difference between the two 🙂

Filed Under: Teaching Tagged With: mystory, show or teach, what students want from their teachers

Enjoy the Experience of the HSC

September 28, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

It has been 25 years since I sat my HSC, and even though I remember thinking I would always remember the experience, a tentative exploration through the files of my mind reveals only remnants. Not surprisingly the most vivid memories are sensual; the piercing chorus of the cicada, the sweet scent of frangipani and the hot, sticky, humidity of a Sydney summer. Emotions also waft subtly through my inquisitive awareness; the utter dread of realizing I had missed a whole question on my English paper (the consequence of a careless mistake) is counteracted by the gleeful joy, shared with two of my classmates as we exchanged furtive smiles across the examination room when the content on the biology paper was reassuringly familiar.

As I reflect, I realize, as I have always known, that  tactile experiences and relationships with people have a far greater impact on our future than selected facts gleaned from texts or the ether.

This is message I have for year 12 students earnestly swotting and organising and reorganising their sock draw. Enjoy the experience of the HSC. It is worth all the effort; there is much to be gained from being in a position where you are accountable for your actions. So;

  • See the HSC as a positive opportunity; it is your ‘grand final’.
  • Stay focused on the moment (rather than looping on ‘what if’ scenarios).
  • Examine the emotions you feel. They may seem like nervousness, but, with a little positivity, you will notice how alike they are to excitement. This adrenalin, when purposefully focused, will help you remain alert and proficient.
  • Expend restless energy, walk, run, swim – enjoy being in the fresh air.
  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet and drink plenty of water.
  • Remember to breathe – meditation is a valuable way to relax and re-energise.   
  • Finally, perceive study as fun – this is easily achieved by spending some time revising with reliable friends.

The HSC is a beginning; in 25 years, when you reflect back, I wonder what you will remember.

Filed Under: Study Tips Tagged With: for year 12 students, HSC is a positive opportunity, mystory, prepare for HSC

Discover success in a word of rapid change

August 29, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

Last week I was again asked the question “When am I ever going to use this in latter life” At the time, my students were wrestling with evaluative essay structure. Specifically the student who posed this relevancy question was seeking a reason why he should learn how to use a knowledge of language techniques to evaluate a text. He earnestly sought to comprehend how understanding the effect of similes and metaphors would help in ‘real world’ situations. My answer was simple, even accountants need to use their understanding of ‘language’ in order to evaluate. I then drew on the board my rendering of axons and dendrites and the synapses in between. Unfortunately my drawing skills leave a lot to the imagination, and while hilarity at the possible explanations of what they were looking at temporarily diverted the class, we were eventually able to discuss how learning created connections within the brain which may be called upon for future use.

I have previously posted on the importance of learning how to learn. This time I want to highlight how learning skills in one area (specifically the skill of identifying and interpreting evidence) may be applied to different fields. The importance here is not the evidence (or in this case the similes and metaphors) but rather developing the ability to offer reasoned evaluation.

It is of tantamount importance that this is understood. It is the skills, we learn at school which are important. These physical processes are much more significant than the content itself. Content is easily accessed through modern technology, and it changes rapidly. It is therefore vital that students learn flexibility of thought. They need to appreciate and embrace change in order to survive our rapid paced world.

One way to achieve this is to feel secure in the face of change. Experiencing security within a maelstrom of change may seem like a misnomer to some, yet it is more likely to be achieved if a person has confidence in their evaluative skills. Why? Because being confident in your ability to consider evidence and propose your own ideas allows you to remain in control of your thoughts and actions. Importantly it provides choices and reasons for making that choice. It is these tangible reasonings that provide handholds of security. It provides an environment for success. Fear is the enemy of achievement; fear is the demon which thwarts the desire to move forward into unknown territories. Yet feelings of security banish fear.

Einstein defined ‘stupid’ as repeating the same action over and over in the expectation of a different result. How often have you found yourself repeating past actions in the hope that this time, it will be different? Do you date similar people, only to have your heart broken each time? Do you hand in essays following the same structure, expecting a better mark, only to find you have again received a fraction of what you thought the essay was worth? Why? Could it be that a fear of attempting something new binds you to familiar patterns?

Recently a friend lent me her copy of a short metaphorical book by Dr Spencer Johnson entitled Who Moved My Cheese? Contained within its pages was a short narrative about 2 mice and 2 ‘little people’ forced to cope with a change to their access to resources (cheese). The mice, pragmatically and determinedly adapted to their changed circumstances and went in search of new supplies. Similarly, one of the little people, as a result of recognising and confronting his fears, developed a new flexibility which yielded positive results. The other little person, kept returning to the same empty room, each time with the same expectation, and each time discovering, nothing. This book is definitely worth reading. It is short, simple and obvious. Its metaphorical message is clear, success is much easier with a willingness to adapt and embrace change.

Schools are an appropriate place to learn a positive response to change since they are where teenagers spend so much of their time ‘changing’. So, next time you wonder why am I learning this? Think, I am learning to evaluate so I may approach ‘change’ with confidence.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Discover success in a word of rapid change, mystory, nic feledy, positive response to change, teenagers and change

Isolation, teenagers and being heard

August 5, 2010 By Nicole Feledy

One of the most universal experiences of adolescence is feeling isolated. It is heart wrenching the number of times I hear the words “I’m lonely” or “I feel alone”. Yet this is not a ‘feature’  peculiar to today’s world, rather it is one which has dominated teenager’s lives for  many years.

 As a teenager myself, I remember listening to ‘Father Jim’ on 2SM radio. This was a ‘talk back’ show which began around 9pm. Simon and Garfunkel’s song “Sounds of Silence” preceded the programme and to this day, whenever I hear that song, I think of Father Jim and the teenagers who called.

Lying safely tucked in my bed I would listen religiously, every Sunday night, as teenagers shared their stories across the radio waves.  Thinking back now, I realise they would call in to share intimate details of their lives because they wanted to be heard, they wanted to be understood and they did not want to be alone. Listening to my contemporaries and feeling their pain I realised no matter how popular a person may be or how many friends they have, we can all feel misunderstood and alone at various times in our life.

Interestingly, today’s teenagers still reach out across the ‘waves’ all be it the electronic variety. The internet in this sense has been both a blessing and a curse. It has allowed teenagers to remain connected to friends and acquaintances, but it has also exposed them to strangers who wrap themselves in a cloak of friendship. The scary part is, these malevolent forces have access to us at the times we are most vulnerable; the times when we are reaching out, the time when we are seeking. The problem of cyber bullying is recognised by police, schools and community groups as a dangerous threat which must be treated seriously.

One way to arrest this insidious force is to equip ourselves with a loneliness antidote. To some acquiring friends seems like a solid solution, however this still places power in the hands of others. Perhaps a more potent remedy is developing faith in ourselves;  faith, acceptance and the self confidence to realise we can choose how to act and react. When we are comfortable in our own skin, we are less likely to hunger for the positive affirmations of others in order to feel wanted and loved. We do not need to seek.

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: isolated teenagers, mystory, nic feledy, teenagers and being heard, teenagers share their stories

  • 1
  • 2
  • Next Page »

Nicole Shares Leadership Talents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPG6tRrUC3I

Nicole Talks Connectedness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d73blYYRu_U&list=PLxDaK7wIyw947k6hxvoPa4-DYMbgJZYNt&index=1

Is This MyStory – Guided Meditation

http://isthismystory.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ITMSMeditation.mp3

Search

Blog Categories

  • Blog
  • Communication
  • Learning
  • Meditation and Mindfulness
  • Powerful stories
  • Products
  • Reading
  • Self Esteem
  • Strengths Based Parenting
  • Strengths Coaching
  • Student Engagement
  • Study Tips
  • Teaching
  • Technology
  • Writing

Live a Mindful Strengths based Narrative

What Happens When You're Mindfully Aware of Your Story? Mindfulness allows a person to access their stories - we see our personal narratives from an objective perspective. So imagine what happens … Read More

Free Mini Mindfulness Poster

Mindfulness practice gives you the tools to recognise your strengths. Download your free Mini Mindfulness Poster here 

Latest Blog Post

The events of 2020 have taken the world into uncharted territory. We are living through a historic … [Read More...]

Testimonials – Coaching & Workshops

I have to shout out a BIG THANK YOU for an amazing Strengths focused coaching session. Straight from the get-go I felt a warm connection with Nicole! … Read More

Testimonials – Teachers

Nicole is an excellent strengths coach and workshop facilitator. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Nicole to develop my High School leadership … Read More

Testimonial – Teenagers

I feel as though my improved results in my mid-year exams in all subjects, not just English, are a direct result of your guidance and inspiration. One … Read More

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Copyright © 2025 This Is MyTime PTY LTD