I believe love is one of those bitter sweet states of being that both rewards and plagues us all. Lost love, or love which is not returned can be agonising. However, as with any thought or emotion, when we allow the feeling, experience it and let it go, it becomes an experience, rather than a force which dictates our actions. The key is to let go rather than wallowing in self recriminations or riding the blame carousel. The pain, as hurtful as it is, will subside as long as we allow it to pass through rather than holding it within. Of course, this is not easy. Emotional pain does ‘hurt’, yet the pain will fade if we allow it to.
A rather gross analogy is to imagine what would happen if you kept picking at a scab on your arm. It would bleed, and then another scab would form. However if you kept picking at the scab, the blemish would grow and eventually leave a nasty scar.
To prevent scaring, change focus. Mindfulness and reading inspirational material can help (a book I can thoroughly recommend is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho). The aim is not to distract, but rather to open our eyes to a different perspective. To recognise we have a choice and we can choose to learn. We can recognise and choose our emotions, rather than giving them control over us.
Finally, the ancient poet/philosopher Rumi suggested,
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”