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Significance – Why Are Some People Ashamed of Their Talents?

November 2, 2017 By Nicole Feledy

According to Gallup’s StrengthsFinder, people high in the Significance cluster of talents “want to be very important in others’ eyes. They are independent and want to be recognized.” Gallup Theme Descriptions 

When first introduced to the talent of Significance, many squirm uncomfortably. They think of a colleague, employee, boss or family member and shake their head in bemusement or reproof. Those who find the talent listed in their top 5, often shuffle a little lower in their seat or announce, ‘the test got it wrong’.

I’ve seen similar reactions to talents such as Command (in women), Empathy or Harmony (in men) and Competition (in both men and women).

Why do some talents engender such a negative response? Have we become so conditioned by society that we see something vital to our wellbeing as shameful?

My son has Significance in his top 5 (alongside Arranger, Includer, Adaptability and Harmony). When he first saw his talents he said; “but Mum, these are all the things I hate about myself”. It was an eye opening moment for both of us and lead to some deeply frank discussions. We explored self talk and the stories we’d been holding. We learnt about our preconceptions and misconceptions. He’d been weighed down by the impression there was something shameful about his most driving motivations. He’d shoved them down to a place they wouldn’t be noticed. Yet they played in the dark spaces of his mind sending out tendrils of anxiety and low self esteem. My son was denying the very things that made him strong – the aspects of himself that gave him a sense of worth. He was under using his Significance and it hurt. As mum, I realised I’d been carrying a balloon of positivity – all air and no substance. I’d only seen what was working in his life and had tried to remind him of his kindness and genuine care of others. I thought I was offering him what he needed when in actuality, I was adding to the problem. I didn’t see how he felt about what I was saying.

Talk about a penny dropping.

Looking back I see the conversation was a pivotal moment in our life. My son went from an anxious teenager to a confident young man in the space of 6 months. He owned his talents and it changed his life. Rather than accepting a preconception, he decided to take charge and be who he was born to be. In realising the power of his Significance talent (and what he could do with his Arranger, Includer, Harmony and Adaptability) he began to move the pieces of his life together and create a place for himself. In doing so he improved the life of others.

This is the strength of a talent such as Significance. It falls into Gallup’s leadership domain of Influence. Significance can be a gentle hand that inspires those around it to take action. It’s a talent that instinctively knows how to offer proactive feedback. Leaders with Significance know how to give their team the recognition they need most. A manager with Significance notices employee’s strengths and helps aim those talents where they’ll do most good. A teacher with Significance raises the profile of class and each student in it. A parent with Significance knows how to encourage their child’s effort and offer meaningful praise that inspires them forward. When a person offers significance, connection is built, positive emotion is exchanged and growth happens. As my son realised, Significance is a transformative strength to be proud of.

How often do people marginalise or trivialise a talent because the word itself is misunderstood? As a personal quality, significance is vital. In fact it has been recognised as a core need. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Esteem is near the top of the triangle. Put simply, we need to know what we do has value and is recognised. Feeling as though your contribution is significant and brings value to the group, fuels a sense of belonging and connection.

People high in Significance offer a vital component of a person’s overall sense of happiness and well being. A person who is high in Significance talents is motivated by the need to give. Yet so often this need is misinterpreted as a desire to be seen. However, being seen as important is not the intention, rather it is a gauge. It signals the usefulness of what was given and inspires connection, growth and further contributions.

Although I’ve concentrated on the talent of Significance, I could have equally written about any of Gallup’s 34 talents. Each one has a barrier label or negative preconception that must be overcome before a person can truely own their talents. Complicating this challenge is a tendency to merge preconceived ideas about a word with the talent’s name – the difference between the act of empathy and the talent of Empathy is one that often causes confusion. However, a deliberate, intentional exploration of self talk and stories can change these misconceptions and improve lives.

Just ask my son.

 

If you have Significance in your top 5 and want to learn how to love it, get in touch. If you’re struggling to accept your talents Nicole offers 1:1 coaching that’ll help you find peace in what you do best. She uses her core talents of Strategic, Connectedness, Learner, Intellection and Input to help people recognise the thoughts and emotions holding them back. As a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, Nicole has the experience and expertise to help you find and develop your strengths. Be more effective in communication, have positive relationships and feel confident in your purpose. Contact Nicole today for a free, ‘Connect to my path’ coaching consultation. 

We can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Zoom sessions. 

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Gallup's Strengths Finder Significance, Significance Gallup, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast

Finding a Strategic Connection to Childhood Stories

November 19, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

BoWhen I was 14 my parents swapped a car for a horse. The car was a dirty brown, early 1970s Holden we affectionately called Erg worm. The horse was a 14.3 hands high Pinto named Bo. 

Dad was starting a new job that gave him a company car. I met Bo at the local riding school and fell in love. The operators of the riding school needed a vehicle for their daughter.

It was a perfect match. 

My parents made the connection and gave me an opportunity to live a dream. It came with responsibility. They paid for Bo’s feed and I paid for the paddock. I cared for him, held a part time job and maintained high grades. I learnt resilience, accountability and to be resourceful. I experienced freedom, companionship and the sheer delight of being in nature.

Bo was My Best Friend
He’d been schooled as a stock horse but sold to a riding school and failed at both. He was cheeky and independent. He’d take the bit, shy at shadows and spin on dime if he wanted to go a different direction. Yet, he was always considerate. He allowed room for my legs when we passed a tree. He’d nuzzle close when I was worried or upset. If I needed time to think, he kept us on track. He also enabled my sense of adventure.

Have you every just taken a path just to see where it will lead?

That was what my childhood was like. Bo was a willing accomplice. Many times we took a trail, simply to see where it went. We discovered amazing places – beautiful wonders, far from the main trail. These were remote spaces few else saw. It was the early 1980s. There were no mobile phones, no GPS, no way of knowing exactly where we were. All we knew were the rough boundary of the National Park. 

Although we were often lost, we always found our way back to the main track. If a side path beckoned, I wanted to be on it. I was inspired by what may be around the corner. Bo probably wanted a quicker way home. 

If a voice of reason intruded, 

“are you sure about this” 

”is this a waste of time?” 

It was silenced. 

Curiosity and wonder were stronger than the internal nay sayer. All that was important was being alive and doing what we were born to do. 

Then I Grew Up
I stopped riding and swapped stirrups for pedals. I bought a car and buried myself in the job of being an adult. Bo lived his days in peace, retired in the country. I immersed myself in the world of work. The expectations and responsibility of career and family weighed heavily. I nearly forgot who I was. 

Nearly,  but not quite.

You see, the world has a funny way of reminding you who you are. Random moments that inspire a hint of memory. I was teaching students how to develop their critical thinking skills and in the process, connected to my own. The catalytic moment was teaching Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. While guiding students through the nuance of each word, I realised, I wanted to take the road less traveled. Being a teacher of literature was not enough. I wanted to help people connect with their stories. 

Then, I took the Clifton Strengths Finder and found clarity. I discovered my talents and it all made perfect sense. My top two talents are Strategic and Connectedness. 

Strategic
According to Gallup Strategic describes the ability to recognise patterns. People high in Strategic are aware of the multiple options that lead from one place to another. They quickly discard alternatives that won’t work. They find the best way through a course of action to a chosen destination. Even if they don’t know specific details, they’re confident they can make the necessary adjustments along the way. All they need is the start point and the end point to quickly formulate a plan. 

Connectedness
Gallup refer to Connectedness as the ability to recognise the greater forces beyond what’s immediately seen or felt. People high in Connectedness intuit the things that unite us. They see, hear and feel the connections between people, places and things. They’re aware of the big picture and build bridges to span ideas, feelings and behaviours. 

Recognising a Strategic Connection
As Bo and I travelled the trails of Davidson National Park my sense that there was a higher purpose gave me the courage to take different tracks. I didn’t know where they led. However I knew why I was in the bush. It was here I felt most alive. I knew where I’d come from and I knew where I were going. We explored the less travelled trails because we knew they led to the most beautiful places.

It was these childhood adventures that forged my sense of identity. As a teenager, I was connected to the natural world. I lived in the bush and felt a deep link through my horse. He was a bridge between my physical and inner worlds. Bo was a tangible friend and an intangible symbol of freedom and choice. The adventures we shared sharpened my ability to find the path. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t see the complete trail, I knew I could run scenarios in my mind, calculate parameters, account for the obstacles and trusted the path would get me there.

Sunlit waterBo was just over 30 when he passed – quite old for a horse. However, each evening I feel his presence. I sit at my desk. The sun settles over bush covered hills. It’s warmth nuzzles my arm as my fingers ride the key board. I look across the river and see trails of light shying across the water. I know he is close. My imagination, my stories, my resilience and my faith were strengthened by the experiences we shared.

My Parents Swapped a Car for a Horse
My parents swapped a car for a horse and in doing so gave me so much more than they ever imagined. They gave me access to the power of choice. They gave me a future filled with possibility. I discovered how to follow my dreams even when the path ahead was covered in scrub. They gave me the opportunity to develop my talents. My childhood taught me how to find my own way and “take the road less traveled”. I learnt to recognise my path and finish what I start. It taught me to enjoy the journey and be confident. I know “way leads on to way” and it is on these less traveled paths I’ll find my treasure.

What did your childhood teach you?

I ask this to encourage you to reflect on the stories of your past. You may discover a path to your self. In accessing childhood stories of wonder and curiosity, you leave behind the restrictions imposed by other people’s stories. Recognising the stories of your childhood may help you find internal inspiration.

If you’d like to become mindfully aware of your stories and move from talent to strength, contact Nicole. We offer a mindful approach to a strength based narrative. Nicole coaches you through the process of identifying your stories and distinguishing the ones that serve you from the ones that have been limiting you. We can arrange face to face coaching on the Gold Coast or in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.

Call now to arrange a complimentary introduction to strengths coaching.

m: 0425 209 008 e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

 

Filed Under: Blog, Powerful stories, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Coaching Gold Coast, Mindful based strengths coaching, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, swap a car for a horse

My Strengths Family

July 4, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

Version 2Last night I watched Cheaper by the Dozen. Then I watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2. It was a night to reconnect with a sense of family. My mind wandered along its usual paths, climbing into crevices, checking hidden recesses for glimpses of gold and I stumbled upon a new intriguing image. My talents form a family.

Among coaches we’re used to using metaphors and thinking about relationships. We consider theme dynamics and look at how talents align, join together and form a pattern. My love of stories led me to personify the process. I think about my themes in terms of an imaginary board of directors and call on them for advice or ideas. We conduct meetings, discuss projects, plan events and action items. Sometimes, Strategic partners with Connectedness to work on a particular project. Other times, Intellection collaborates with Learner and Input. They provide the data Strategic and Connectedness need to keep everything moving forward. 

However, after thinking about the nature of family, I realised I could use a metaphor closer to home. My talents are more than a board of directors. They’re my internal family. When they function collaboratively with shared purpose and respect for what each brings, they create a sense of belonging. I feel strong, whole and complete. When I’m consciously aware of allowing my talents to play to their strengths, life seems to ‘work’. I am in flow and this is a space of happiness and positivity. 

Today I think of my Strategic as Dad – keeping us safe, guiding us forward and ensuring we reach our destination. Connectedness is Mum, holding us together, knowing where everyone is, what they need and building awareness of factors beyond an immediate field of vision. Intellection, Learner and Input are the children. They play in the space created by Strategic and Connectedness. As they grow and mature, they help ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ understand more about themselves and the changing dynamic of our family. Of course, as is the case with any family, there are times of discord. These are moments when one Talent is not appreciated or is in conflict with the needs of another. This is when Values step in to remind us of shared experience. We see what is important and navigate back on track. 

If you’ve seen the movie Inside Out, you’ll probably have a visual of what I’m talking about. If you’ve done the StrengthsFinder assessment and know your talent themes, you may like to try this exercise.

  1. Think about your talents and imagine what’s going on inside your mind.
  2. Be alert to the emotions and thoughts that accompany particular tasks – especially the ones that bring you joy. Notice how and when your talents are showing up in your life.
  3. Consciously think about the ways they work together.
  4. Personify your talents and create characters by imagining what they ‘look’ and ‘sound’ like.

You could even write a journal entry reflecting on something that’s happened in your life. However, rather than describing the events in terms of actions, think in terms of your talent characters and how they showed up to help.

Before becoming a Strengths Coach, I was a secondary school English teacher. I became an English teacher because I loved stories – not for the sake of literature but because stories offer a chance to share our lives and communicate thoughts and emotions. I believe stories are the strands of human connection. In terms of my talent family, stories are the rooms that create our home. 

 Where do your talents live?

 

If you’d like to know more about improving your communication skills or gaining a greater awareness of your innate patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour, contact Nicole today, We’re based in QLD and can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call and arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Based Parenting, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: Clifton Strengths Finder, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, Strengths family

I Know My Strengths, Now What?

January 4, 2016 By Nicole Feledy

You’ve done a Strengths Assessment. Now what?

You were probably excited in the beginning. You read the results and felt comforted. You saw things you did well and felt happy because your talents are valuable. You realised you can direct your talents and achieve greater success. 

Good on you! 

That’s why tools such as the Clifton Strengths Finder are so valuable. They help you identify your talent and offer a challenge. They give you an opportunity to be intentional in your actions and apply what you do well to achieve more. 

Are you still doing it?

As with any new learning or way of being, you need to keep applying something until it becomes a habit. Even then, if you want to grow, develop and be skilled, you need to continually and consciously, move. This movement isn’t always physical, sometimes it is emotional and sometimes it’s intellectual. 

A Personal Example

Recently I was talking to a friend about the CSF and how to use it. He said he found the report accurate and interesting but as a person who’s already on a conscious path and already self-aware, he wasn’t sure how he’d continue using the information. His point was valid – and may go a long way toward explaining why I’ve found it challenging to grow my business to the next stage. For the past five days, I’ve sat on this question. I’ve let the ideas grow into an answer. Here’s something I realised – just this morning. 

I don’t mobilise people, I mobilise ideas. Whereas I’ve thought of myself as a people person, I’m beginning to see, I’m not – at least not in the classical sense. My place of strength, my achievement zone lays within the office of the mind. I like to get ideas off the ground, people simply come attached to the idea. That’s not to say people aren’t important. Of course they are, they’re the reason for the idea. However my talent lies within gathering, blending and building thought. I find it more complicated when gathering, motivating or influencing people.

People are my ‘Why’. Ideas are my ‘how’ and ‘what’. I do what I do because I want to help people. I want to support those around me and I want to give them an environment where they can reach their dreams. However, my process for doing so doesn’t rely on them. I don’t need people to do something. Instead my activity relies on me and the ideas I create and share. 

I hope you’re following this train of thought – I guess what I’m trying to express is for me, a Jerry Maguire style epiphany. 

Knowing that 4 of my top 5 Talent Themes are in the Strategic Thinking domain has given me the freedom to be comfortable in thought. I don’t need to follow the sales rules offered in certain professional development courses (you know, the ones that say; ‘I failed in business for the first three years and now I make SIX figures – you can too if you follow these 7 steps’). 

Instead, I choose forge my own path. 

You can too.

This post isn’t about offering rules for Strengths based awareness or guidelines for using your Strengths and achieving your 2016 goals. 

Instead it’s about inspiring thoughts. That’s what I do best. What you choose to do with those thoughts is up to you. Rather than give you new ideas, I’d like to help you access your thoughts. I’d like to help you sort through your ideas and, I can help you settle your mind when the ideas come so thick and fast it’s like a wading through a heavy storm. 

So, if you have taken your CSF and are wondering what to do with your new knowledge, I can help. I can help you grow and develop your thoughts by recognising how they connect with your emotions. Then it’s up to you to choose your actions, actions you feel comfortable with and that are right for you.

For me, this is a powerful thought. It is one of the magic self-realisations made possible by deep reflection and a daily conscious choice to flex and develop my innate talents. 

What now … How will you choose to use YOUR talents. 

 

Learn how to unlock your innate talent using the Clifton Strength Finder. Develop the relaxation and mindfulness habits that allow you to manage your mind. If you’d like to know more about improving your communication skills or gaining a greater awareness of your innate patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour, contact Nicole today, We’re based in QLD and can arrange face to face consultations on the Gold Coast or in Sydney. Alternatively ask about our Skype sessions.  

Call today to arrange your complimentary introduction to Strengths coaching session.

m: 0425 209 008   e: nicole@isthismystory.com

Welcome to a World of Expression

Focus | Engage | Inspire

Filed Under: Blog, Strengths Coaching Tagged With: I know my Strengths now What, Strengths Coaching Gold Coast, Using CSF

Nicole Shares Leadership Talents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPG6tRrUC3I

Nicole Talks Connectedness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d73blYYRu_U&list=PLxDaK7wIyw947k6hxvoPa4-DYMbgJZYNt&index=1

Is This MyStory – Guided Meditation

http://isthismystory.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ITMSMeditation.mp3

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